Archive for 2018

Big Yel­low Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Cab dri­ver to guy get­ting in front seat and putting on seat­belt: What’s da mat­ter? You scared or some­thing?!

–23rd St & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: Mur­ray

Mo­roc­can taxi dri­ver: Al­ways watch out for Chi­nese and New Jer­sey li­cence plates, they are the worst dri­vers in the world.

–Mid­town

Over­heard by: Ana

Cab dri­ver, shout­ing at passers­by in cross­walk: Need some rain out here, Lord! Get ’em in my cab!

–24th & 6th

Over­heard by: Oh NYC-you amuse me so

Am­bu­lance dri­ver, over loud­speak­er, stuck be­hind cab re­fus­ing to pull over de­spite lights and sirens: It’s pret­ty clear why you dri­ve a fuck­ing cab for a liv­ing.

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: traf­ficjunky

She Bought You That Vagi­nal Oint­ment You’ve Been Need­ing!

La­dy over loud­speak­er: Would a cus­tomer named *Aman­da please re­port to check­out ten. *Aman­da, please re­port to check­out ten.
[Pause of about 45 seconds.]Lady over loud­speak­er: *Aman­da, please re­port to check­out ten. You mom is here and her back hurts.

–Path­mark-At­lantic Cen­ter Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Bart Pro­cac­ci

Trans­fer­ring From the F to the A

Guy #1: You know, I just love fuck­ing my girl­friend up the ass.
Guy #2: Why do you want to tell me that?
Guy #1: It’s bet­ter than any­thing.
Guy #2: Dude, I don’t care, shut the fuck up.
Guy #1: It’s like putting your dick in a ex­treme­ly tight and warm–
Guy #2: Dude, hon­est­ly, I don’t give a fuck, so if you are go­ing to start again, I’m gonna rip out your throat. Com­prende?

–F train

Over­heard by: Ting

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Ac­ci­dent Prone

Cute 20-some­thing queer on cell: I slipped and fell and slid about fif­teen feet on 34th Street. Thank God I have a fat ass. It was like a Slip ‘n Slide with­out the warm, the bathing suit, or the fun.

–6 train

Over­heard by: Look­ing at his not fat ass

Pe­ter Sars­gaard: That was like the time my sis­ter got hit by her own school bus!

–Out­side of the Ars No­va The­atre, 54th & 10th

Over­heard by: Danielle

Dirty, Sexy Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Young gay guy in Daisy Dukes, shades and tank top, yam­mer­ing away on cell: Is it to­tal­ly ac­cept­able to have sex on the beach there?

–43rd St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: An­na Rose

Teen boy to friend: If I were a gi­ant I’d fuck the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty!

–Hous­ton & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Hen­ry

Chick to friend: As soon as I get over this yeast in­fec­tion, I’m gonna bang the shit out of him.

–Mc­Don­ald’s, Times Square

Over­heard by: Keep It Movin’

Black guy on cell: Pen­e­tra­tion?! Pen­e­tra­tion?! It ain’t about pen­e­tra­tion, it’s all about sen­sa­tion.

–E 4th St

Over­heard by: girl named sug­ar

Drunk man to drunk woman, while mak­ing out against a car: Let’s just go with it…let’s just fuck on top of the car.

–Bleeck­er & Mac­dou­gal

Girl to the guy at the next ta­ble: Haven’t I slept with you be­fore?

–Stabrucks, 78th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Ash­lee