Archive for 2018

Jason Was a Final-Round Draft Pick for the Other Team

Dude: So I finally saw Lisa’s* tits. Good stuff, man.
Friend: Yeah? Are they big?
Dude: Not at all. But it’s better that way. A handful is enough.
Friend: So it’s like nuts?
Dude: What the fuck?
Friend: No! I mean they say a handful of nuts is enough protein for the day! That came out totally wrong!
Dude: Whatever you say…Tinkerbell.

–67th & Columbus

It’s All Fun and Games Until He Drives the Bus into the River

Bus driver: Next stop: 60th Street, transfer to the four, five, six or the N/R. Sixtieth Street and Bloomingdales, next stop… Hi, everyone — I’d like to take this red light to thank you for joining us on this, the one hundred and fifteenth run of the M103 bus. Now, I know some of you have had bad days at school, work, church, et cetera, but please don’t bring that home to your loved ones. Leave all your stress on the bus, and I’ll toss it into the East River for you when we pass it. [Applause.]Middle-aged woman: Well, that was nice of him!

–M103 bus, 3rd Ave