Archive for 2018

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Bet­ter Not End Up on the In­ter­net

30-some­thing on cell: Mom, he came over and took a pic­ture of my toi­let!

–Spring & Greene

20-some­thing chick: First of all, who pos­es bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart park­ing lot? Sec­ond­ly, who bleach­es their ass­hole? Third, who takes a pic­ture of it and e‑mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, be­tween Broad­way & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: La­dle

Queer: He pho­tographs re­al­ly poor­ly. That’s a big prob­lem for me…

–Star­bucks, Wash­ing­ton Square

Over­heard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just be­cause I work with her does­n’t mean I have to look at pho­tos of her pla­cen­ta.

–34th & 3rd

Over­heard by: X. L. Per­cy

And Id­iot Is Not a Pro­tect­ed Class, So Watch Out.

Guy #1: Wow, they in­dict­ed five cops in that beat­ing last year in Shenan­doah.
Guy #2: Yeah, it was a hate crime.
Guy #1: The vic­tim was gay?
Guy #2: No, dude, he was Mex­i­can.
Guy #1: What? Since when is it a crime to be Mex­i­can?
Guy #2, af­ter pause: Every­one on this train thinks you are a fuck­ing id­iot, and I agree with them.

–Up­town 6 Train

With This ‘Ring’, I Thee Wed…

Guy: So how come we can’t try butt lov­ing?
Girl: I’m sav­ing it for my hus­band.
Guy: Are you se­ri­ous? That’s like so…Victorian of you.

–So­da Bar, Van­der­bilt Ave, Brook­lyn
Head­line by: ax­a­m­endes

· “Ac­tu­al­ly, It’s More Victor/Victorian.” — Faith
· “And Call­ing It ‘Butt Lov­ing’ Is­n’t?” — Ante K
· “Gives New Mean­ing to ‘Do You Have Price Al­bert in the Can?’ ” — Ly­dia
· “I Want a ‘Brown Wed­ding’ ” — clarence rosario
· “I’ll Even Show You My An­kles as I Give You a Rim Job” — sara swank
· “Jane Austen’s First Draft: ‘Read­er, I Butt Loved Him.’ ” — Sarah
· “Monogamy Is Such a Pain in the Ass” — Kar­likit­ten
· “Next, on the His­to­ry Chan­nel: Felch­ing Dur­ing the Reign of King Richard” — Matt
· “Vic­to­ri­ans Were So Anal!” — eighty4sapphire
· “Vir­gin­i­ty, Fudged” — Sara
· “Yeah, I Know, But It’s the On­ly Thing Left in My Dowry” — ile­manz­er

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test