Archive for 2018

Wednesday One-Liners Better Not End Up on the Internet

30-something on cell: Mom, he came over and took a picture of my toilet!

–Spring & Greene

20-something chick: First of all, who poses bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot? Secondly, who bleaches their asshole? Third, who takes a picture of it and e-mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: He photographs really poorly. That’s a big problem for me…

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just because I work with her doesn’t mean I have to look at photos of her placenta.

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: X. L. Percy

And Idiot Is Not a Protected Class, So Watch Out.

Guy #1: Wow, they indicted five cops in that beating last year in Shenandoah.
Guy #2: Yeah, it was a hate crime.
Guy #1: The victim was gay?
Guy #2: No, dude, he was Mexican.
Guy #1: What? Since when is it a crime to be Mexican?
Guy #2, after pause: Everyone on this train thinks you are a fucking idiot, and I agree with them.

–Uptown 6 Train

With This ‘Ring’, I Thee Wed…

Guy: So how come we can’t try butt loving?
Girl: I’m saving it for my husband.
Guy: Are you serious? That’s like so…Victorian of you.

–Soda Bar, Vanderbilt Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: axamendes

Runners-Up:
· “Actually, It’s More Victor/Victorian.” – Faith
· “And Calling It ‘Butt Loving’ Isn’t?” – Ante K
· “Gives New Meaning to ‘Do You Have Price Albert in the Can?'” – Lydia
· “I Want a ‘Brown Wedding'” – clarence rosario
· “I’ll Even Show You My Ankles as I Give You a Rim Job” – sara swank
· “Jane Austen’s First Draft: ‘Reader, I Butt Loved Him.'” – Sarah
· “Monogamy Is Such a Pain in the Ass” – Karlikitten
· “Next, on the History Channel: Felching During the Reign of King Richard” – Matt
· “Victorians Were So Anal!” – eighty4sapphire
· “Virginity, Fudged” – Sara
· “Yeah, I Know, But It’s the Only Thing Left in My Dowry” – ilemanzer

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