Archive for 2018

Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Woman: When you get to be my age, every­body looks like some­body. And some peo­ple pass by twice.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Asian girl: Oh, no! No one had sex on the floor. I mean, OK, so a few of us girls were rolling around on the floor in our bra and panties or what­ev­er but no one was hav­ing sex on the floor!

–St. John’s Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Megan Cowles

Points for Cre­ativ­i­ty

Chick #1 look­ing at life-like dil­do that ac­tu­al­ly cums: I won­der what it cums.
Chick #2: If it were me, I would put in vanil­la milk­shake.
Chick #1: Oh my god! How amaz­ing would it be if guys came vanil­la milk­shakes?! I would be on my knees all day long!
Chick #2: Yeah, to­tal­ly… What a cru­el joke that most of them taste like steam­rolled, year-old sushi.

–The Pink Pussy­cat

Over­heard by: Sharon Sloan

I Do Now

High school girl #1: Oh my god, I hate her, like, I have nev­er hat­ed any­one more.
High school girl #2: I know! She is such a slut. (pause) We’re talk­ing about Chantel, right?
High school girl #1: No, I was talk­ing about Lacey. (pause) You think Chantel is a slut?

–Out­side Mo­MA

Wine and Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fe­male col­lege stu­dent on cell: Sor­ry, there was an in­ci­dent. She was eat­ing string cheese, and I told her she looked like a wal­rus. So she tried to smack me in the face but she could­n’t, and I ran in­to the bath­room. So she tried to hit me with the string cheese, but I was like your string cheese will get all fuzzy. So she smacked me in the face with the cheese.

–Penn Sta­tion

Girl on phone: And then I stuck a string cheese in the mi­crowave. Yeah, in the wrap­per.

–57th & 7th

Sexy guy, look­ing at or­ches­tra pro­gram de­scrip­tion of move­ment “con brio”: Does that mean “with cheese”?

–Cam­er­a­ta Not­tur­na Con­cert, W. 57th St

Over­heard by: La­dle

Old­er Eu­ro­pean woman to an­oth­er: She’s fine with the ref­er­ence to cheese. I mean, she can eat cheese, just not the re­al kind.

–Union Square

Hip­ster: So she writes every­thing down in her cheese di­ary…

–Bed­ford & 4th