(group of women walking in bike lane)
Biker on bike lane, swerving and screaming at the top of his lungs: It’s a fucking bike lane!
(women leave in fear)
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: Just try to smoke in peace
Archive for 2018
I Kinda Thought He Paid That Bill Already
Cheery religious pamphlet guy: Good morning, miss! Would you like to suffer for Christ?
Woman in a hurry: Um, no…
Cheery religious pamphlet guy: Okay, have nice day!
–Steinway St station
I Just Felt That Stella Could’ve Been Given a More Emotionally-Challenging Role
Trendy young mom #1: Well, everyone wants their kid to guest-appear on Sesame Street.
Trendy young mom #2: Oh, yeah?
–2nd Floor, MoMA
Overheard by: Krashaunda
Wherever Wednesday One-Liners Go, There They Are
Man on cell: I’m at the bad Duane Reade right now… Yeah, the one on 14th street…I know that’s the good one, but it’s in danger zone.
–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: not in danger zone
Girl on cell: I’m in like the Middle East somewhere… Where are you?
–56th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: dnuggets
Hipster on cell: No, I swear to god I am not in Montreal!
–Outside Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg
Overheard by: miles
Lady yelling into pay phone, by platform: I’m in Yonkers! I’m right by the train!
–W 242 & Broadway, Bronx
Overheard by: Krisztina
Harried guy in suit on his cell: Yeah well, I’m at the Port Authority…I hear this is where the buses leave from.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: JoBell
Screaming man on pay phone: Yo ‑I told yo ass to meet me on 33rd and 5th. I be standin’ here and you ain’t here. [Pause.] What the fuck do you mean!? I be on da corner waiting for yo ass for the past fifty minutes. I only get an hour for lunch. Now you gone and messed up my day cuz yo ass ain’t show up. [Pauses, speaks more calmly.] I’m on da corner of 33rd and 5th. [Screaming again.] Don’t tell me yo ain’t see me! I’m standing right here!
–35th & Madison
And You Don’t Wanna Be Ignorant All Your Life
Skinny black chick: If someone says some mo’ fuckin’ racist shit to me, I’ma punch them in the fuckin’ face, yo, and give them somethin’ to be racist about!
Fat black chick: I thought that shit was played out. Racism is ignorancy, yo.
–M train
Overheard by: ignorexia-ists
Back Then, They Didn’t Have Bulk Discounts Either
Thug #1: Back in the day, abortions used to cost $200, can you believe that shit? Good thing that changed, or my ass would be broke.
Thug #2: Yeah me too.
Thug #3: Word.
–Downtown 5 train
Overheard by: Angie
Then Have an Ugly Spud Shaved and Brought to My Tent
Straight girl #1: Go find me a cute boy!
Straight girl #2: Ok! I will… But he’s not going to be into you.
–Pride parade route
Ironically They Were Murdered with One
Bike guy #1: ‘Scuse me, do you know how to get to the West Side?
Man: It’s over there. Where are you going?
Bike guy #2: Do you know the clubs?
Man: Not really.
Bike guy #1: Crobar?
Man: No. Where is it?
Bike guy #1: I think 138th Street.
Man: That would be about 150 blocks up thataway.
–City Hall Park
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
According to That Career Inventory We Took in High School
Straight guy, about coworker: That guy is such a douche.
Tarty girl: He’s moving three blocks away from me.
Straight guy: That means you’ll totally fuck him.
Tarty girl: Don’t put that out in the universe! It’ll happen. You know I’m a slut!
–Union Square
On the Ass, Huh? How’d That Happen?
Guy: Look at these new trousers I bought.
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You really like them?
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You can buy them too if you want. I won’t be pissed.
Frat guy: Oh my God, those are the pants I returned ’cause I got a stain on the ass.
Guy: Oh, that’s what that was.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Delilah
