“…you can’t be tried as an adult, so shoot to kill.”

Boy, 7: Who’s that guy again?
Mom: Which one?
Boy, 7: Subway.
Mother: Bernard Goetz. 

–B48 bus

Bukkake Is So Five Minutes Ago

High school latina #1: Yeah, she’s really sexy.
High school latina #2: Her lips are really soft.
High school latina #3: Yeah, you guys, her eye gunk’s sexy, too. I’d totally eat her eye gunk.
High school latina #2: Yeah, that’s true. I would, too.

–1 train

Overheard by: define sexy

And How Drunk Are You?

Guy, singing: “I want to be a part of it/ New York/ New York…“
Passing woman: Where the fuck are you from?

–38^th & 7^th

Overheard by: Agrees with woman

YOUR HEADLINE HERE, RELOADED

Put away your skewer jokes — we’ve posted a new contest! Click here to read the entry and submit your headline. The winner of Monday’s contest will be posted this coming Monday.

Winners of this and future contests will get a copy of the book Overheard in New York, signed by Morgan Friedman (until we run out).

I Need Some Flipflops for the Next Blizzard

Shopper: Will you have spring shoes out next week?
Saleslady: What?
Shopper: Spring shoes! Next week?
Saleslady: Spring?
Shopper: Yeah, downstairs they told me you always have the next season’s shoes out one season ahead.
Saleslady: Spring?
Shopper: Yes! Spring! Next week!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: Roxy Chanel McPink

Sometimes We Feel Bad for Mocking Canadians… And Sometimes Not

Chinese-Canadian girl: Where are we going next?
Mom: Chinatown.
Girl: I thought Chinatown was in Canada…?

–Empire State Building

An Event That Can Be Enjoyed, but Not Explained

Confused Hispanic woman (feet away from tree): What is going on here?
Unenthusiastic cop: I don’t know… some big tree.

–Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting

Thank You Very Much, I’ll Be Here until Thursday

Angry rider after missing a stop: Why can’t you just pull over? You was only like this far away?
Bus driver: I can only stop at designated stops, I’m sorry.
Angry rider: You could have stopped, you just wanted to be a dick.
Bus driver: Yeah, you would know — you suck enough of it.

–BX9 bus

Overheard by: Don’t know much about it

Why Is This Beer Different From All Other Beers?

Tall guy to short guy: You gotta have a beer.
Short guy: Why do I have to have a beer if I am a rabbi?

–Grand & Broadway

Wednesday One-liners on Fad Diets

Fruit stand guy: Too much papaya! Too much marijuana! Too much cocaine!

–Dean & Court, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Zach

Asian girl: You’re not following the diet plan! It’s either junk food or no food!

–Stuyvesant High School