Chick: So, where are you from?
Guy: I’m from Brooklyn.
Chick: No, you have an accent.
Guy: Oh yeah, well, my parents are Eurotrash.
–Broad & Exchange
Archive for 2018
Bitch, Please! Her Favorite Candy is Nose
NYU girl: So my friend had a class with Mary-Kate–
NYU boy: Uh huh.
NYU girl: –and they were all going around saying what their favorite books were. But when it got to Mary-Kate, she just said, “Well, my favorite candy is a Tootsie Roll.”
–Chipotle, East 8th Street
Overheard by: monsi
Define “Better”
Drunk boy: God, fucking Bedford is so fucking gentrified.
Drunk girl: Go to the Lorimer stop. It’s way better there.
–Bedford Avenue station
Overheard by: Ami
Except for All Those Fetuses
Girl #1: I think that most men prefer it closed.
Girl #2: You think? I would figure open to be easier access.
Girl #3: Oh, for God’s sake! No one has ever rejected me because of my vagina!
–61st & Madison
If Not Dick, Then Dictionaries
Woman: If I don’t find a guy I want to date within the next year, then I’m going back to school.
–B3 Restaurant, Avenue B
Overheard by: Laura Walker
Got a Watch That Accurately Measures 30 Minute Increments?
Man: I sell watches. I’m going to have cards made… I’m a horologist.
Chick: I’m just a whore.
–50th & 10th
Overheard by: sister mary ann
Oh Jeez, Get Ready for a Rant About the Jews
Old black man: Do you believe in black Jesus or white Jesus?
White girl: White Jesus.
Old black man: I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you.
–2 Train
“Tunnel Vision:” Defined
Man to friend: So, where did you find the cane you’re using, it looks like just what I need.
Friend: Oh, at a CVS near Jersey.
Man: What’s “near Jersey”?
Friend: Just through a tunnel, you know… Jersey.
–W 71 & Broadway
Overheard by: Revedgoldberg
Not the Brightest Bulb
Customer: I don’t think onions are vegetables.
Employee: You don’t think onions are vegetables? Then what are they?
Customer: I think they should be listed separately, in the onion category.
–PAX, 57th St
Overheard by: Tech Support
The Only Insult that Hasn’t Lost Its Sting in This Town
Skater thug: Yo, watch where you’re fuckin’ goin’ before I fuck your ass up!
Suit: Shut up, you Kevin Federline-looking punk!
−−2÷3 train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Tommy Wooh
