Archive for 2018

Some Half-Baked Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b‑o-n‑g.

–19th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with or­ange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don’t smoke that Scoo­by Doo­bie Doo. Don’t get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Over­heard by: Plau­si­ble

Young hip­ster: So I said, “Mom, did you smoke with me?”

–Cen­tral Park Reser­voir

An­gry girl­friend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don’t want me smok­ing pot, you don’t want me smok­ing cig­a­rettes or cloves, you don’t want me chew­ing gum and now you don’t like lol­lipops? So tell me, Pe­ter, what can I put in my mouth that’s okay with you?

–L Train

Over­heard by: It’s me, bitch­es.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot deal­er, be­cause the stuff you’re smok­ing is re­al­ly good.

–Coop­er Union

Over­heard by: me too

Guy talk­ing on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 min­utes. (pause) Yeah, I’m se­ri­ous! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don’t you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it un­til you can’t see any­more and then I’ll be there. Al­right? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca Fried­man

Girl: I mean hon­est­ly, who at NYU does­n’t smell like weed?

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

And I In­sist Up­on Shar­ing All the De­tails of Our Love with You…Son

Thug #1: Your mom is a la­dy, bro.
Thug #2: I don’t want to hear no more of this shit. Go fuck her in the ass. Go fuck her in the ear. I don’t want to hear it.
Thug #1: No, dawg. She a WOMAN.
Thug #2: Fuck you, I said stop­pit.
Thug #1: I know you smart. I know you smart. But she is a la­dy.

–61st and CPW

Over­heard by: Lau­ren Michelle

She Got Eight Vol­un­peers

Girl #1: Ew, you’re hold­ing on to the bar?
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m hold­ing on to the bar. If I don’t I’ll fall over.
Girl #1: Ew. That is so gross. That’s like the one thing that gross­es me out more than any­thing.
Girl #2: It’s just a bar.
Girl #1: No, you don’t un­der­stand. I would rather have some­one pee on my face than touch that thing.

–N train

Where in the World are Wednes­day One-Lin­ers?

Tourist: Is this 49th Street? Oh no, I think we’re at Times Square!

–Up­town R Train at Union Square

Over­heard by: Limey

La­dy on cell: I’m on the cor­ner by the trash can and the lamp.

–Union Square

Man on cell: Wait, I’m on 4th and Broadway…Hey wait, are you me? Who are you?

–4th and Broad­way

Guy on cell: Ey! Eeeey! What, like you can’t SEE me? I’m up heeeeh, wav­ing my arms like an in­grate!

–Shea Sta­di­um, up­per deck

Over­heard by: In­field Fly

Guy on cell: Yeah I’m here in the NYU park. We are gonna talk about feng shui. Not your feng shui, my feng shui.

–wash­ing­ton square park

Over­heard by: ak

Guy on cell: I can see a big build­ing, can you see a big build­ing where you are?

–Uni­ver­si­ty and 8th Street