Archive for 2018

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Flunk the Poly­graph

Woman on cell: I can’t come. I’m in the Poconos right now.

–Rite Aid, The Bronx

Punk girl on phone: Hi mom…yeah… Yeah, me and Jane are just walk­ing around in the neigh­bor­hood… Yeah, we’re at the Time Warn­er cen­ter right now. No! No, of course I’m not on St. Mark’s. No. I’d nev­er go there. Of course I’m sober! Why would­n’t I be? Yeah. Okay, love you, bye! (hangs up phone, now to friend with beer) Gimme some of that!

–St. Mark’s Place

Russ­ian guy on phone (in Russ­ian): Yeah, I’m on Av­enue M. I just got off, I’ll be there in a few.

–Q Train, Kings High­way

Over­heard by: Robert

Dude on cell: Yo! What’s up? I’m wait­ing at La­Guardia.

–Mar­tin Luther King High School

Over­heard by: Su­san Vol­chok

Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m on Long Is­land right now. I’ll be here for a lit­tle while.

–Park Slope

Fe­male suit on phone: I have to can­cel din­ner tonight, I had that meet­ing I told you about, re­mem­ber? And I’m still not back yet. Yeah. Yeah, I’m in Jer­sey still.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Woman on cell out­side a pub: Hon­ey? It’s mom­my. We’re still at the hos­pi­tal. I don’t know, we could still be here for hours.

–1st & 72nd

Over­heard by: Well, there were hos­pi­tals near­by, at least

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Need to Be Con­soled

Tech guy: It would suck to be a cow, then you could­n’t play Street Fight­er.

–Mary­mount Man­hat­tan Col­lege

Blond girl, re­gard­ing Egypt­ian ar­ti­facts: This is just like a video game!

–The Met

Over­heard by: Rachael and Ben

Mind­less dude play­ing PSP: Damn! Why is this bitch call­ing me? (an­swers cell) What do you want, you made me stop my game! (pause) My game as in “my video game,” psh! (pause) Shit, if I had any game I would­n’t be with a bitch that looks like you, now what do you want?

–A Train

Over­heard by: to­ken white chick

Ghet­to kids, as 95-year-old Chi­nese la­dy walks in­to mov­ing traf­fic: Damn, she think she play­ing Frog­ger!

–Chi­na­town

Friend to friend: I won­der how Su­per Mario Bros will in­flu­ence my de­ci­sion?

–Hous­ton St & Broad­way

If Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Did It

Woman on cell: Are you re­al­ly sur­prised that Mar­cus turned out to be a se­r­i­al killer?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: shex

Col­lege dude on cell: No, the en­tire male species is go­ing to die, re­mem­ber?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: glad i’m a girl.

Avi­a­tor-wear­ing rock­er wannabe: Dude, se­ri­ous­ly, think about it. Why aren’t there more se­r­i­al killers?!

–Union Square West at 16th St

Guy: You know, I pray for the days when I find bod­ies…

–Lorimer St & Met­ro­pol­i­tan Ave

Co­lum­bia news­pa­per re­porter: Dude, you can’t just kill one per­son and be a se­r­i­al killer. You have to work up to be­ing a se­r­i­al killer.

–Co­lum­bia Spec­ta­tor Of­fice

Over­heard by: And you know from ex­pe­ri­ence?

Cashier to friend: Yeah, there’s this cou­ple that comes in every week and rents se­r­i­al killer movies.

–Brook­lyn Video Rental Store

Over­heard by: tiff

Con­duc­tor: Thank you for rid­ing MTA, and re­mem­ber to smile. You’ll con­fuse the peo­ple who want to kill you!

–L train

Over­heard by: Paige