Archive for 2018

Can You Use Wednes­day One-Lin­ers in a Sen­tence?

20-ish woman: Why do they call it wait­ing on line in­stead of wait­ing in line? Is that like a New York thing? Is that like call­ing it smok­ing up in­stead of smok­ing out?

–58th & Park

Over­heard by: marisa

Guy: Well, I think ab­sent-mind­ed means more like… Uh… Like…

–Broad­way & Wa­ver­ly

Fu­ture lawyer chick: Wait… So that’s the re­but­tal? Re­but­tal? Is that a word? Or is the word ‘coun­ter­ar­gu­ment’? Or am I just mak­ing up words?

–LSAT class, Coop­er Square

Four-year-old girl to lit­tle boy who spoke in Span­ish: I don’t speak your Eng­lish!

–Clare­mont Park, Bronx

Over­heard by: ClaR­i­ty

JAP to boyfriend: I don’t want any­thing that I can’t, like, pro­nounce right now.

–St Mark’s falafel dis­trict

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Friends With Tom

Geeky boy: I think I’m hav­ing trou­ble meet­ing peo­ple on­line be­cause my My­Space page is so in­tim­i­dat­ing.
Goth girls: [Si­lence.]

–Eileen’s Cheese­cake

Girl: Hey, why did­n’t you Friend­ster me on My­Space yet?

–46th & 6th

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Girl de­part­ing with friend: My­Space-mes­sage me when you get your new phone! But I’m sure I’ll see you be­fore then.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: acep

Nerd: So I broke up with her by chang­ing my My­Space sta­tus from ‘In a re­la­tion­ship’ to ‘Sin­gle.’

–Star­bucks, As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Adri­enne

Ghet­to boy: Where the fuck has he been? Fuck. I’m go­ing to hunt that nig­ger down on My­Space.

–Wendy’s, 23rd St

Gui­do in car full of gui­dos, tak­ing girl’s pic­ture with cell: Hey, girl! Did­n’t I see you on My­Space last night?

–Hugh­es Ave & Ford­ham Rd

Over­heard by: Greg

Skin­ny girl on cell: What? I’m sor­ry! Lis­ten, you asked! That’s what hap­pens when you bend over and you aren’t wear­ing un­der­wear: your pussy def­i­nite­ly ends up on My­Space.

–65th & Lex

And Fri­day’s His Scrab­ble Night… No, I’ve Nev­er Gone With Him to Scrab­ble Night, Why?

Hip­ster Girl #1: So you guys should come. Oh! You should bring your boyfriend, I haven’t met him yet.
Hip­ster Girl #2: I wish I could but it’s on Wednes­day night, right? He’s re­al­ly in­to fash­ion, that’s when he watch­es Project Run­way.
[Hip­ster Girl #1 stares blankly at Hip­ster Girl #2 for a few moments.]Hipster Girl #1: Oh.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: hobo­jane

You Can’t Al­ways Get What You Want

Woman in her 50s: “She used to drink on week­ends, Fri­day, Sat­ur­day and Sun­day. And then she got scared she was go­ing to start drink­ing Mon­day, Tues­day, Wednes­day, Thurs­day. So she went to AA and has­n’t touched a drop since, she’s a spon­sor too. That was 15 years ago. Now she’s 33 and she went back to school. She just be­came a para­le­gal and makes $950 a month. She did­n’t want to be one of those low peo­ple.”

–W Train

I Just Would­n’t Talk to Her be­cause She’s Black

Black woman: Mon­ey for the home­less? [Blonde chicks walk by, ig­nor­ing her.] What? You think you’re bet­ter than us? Fuckin’ white bitch­es!
Blonde, as she and friends run away: Oh, please, like this is about race. I don’t care if she’s black or white — I’m not giv­ing her any fuck­ing mon­ey to sup­port her char­i­ty. Al­so known as a crack habit.

–10th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: don’t do­nate ei­ther

Splen­da’s Ac­tu­al­ly Sug­ar with Aug­ment­ed Breasts and No Pubes

Chick #1: I al­ways use Equal.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: Well, I like to think of Equal as the wom­en’s lib of sweet­en­er.
Chick #2: So… What does that make Sweet­’N Low? The pre-lib? Fem­i­nine mys­tique?
Chick #1: Yeah… Just look at it — pink and pret­ty, sweet, and bowed low. C’­mon. It’s like, ‘Hey, ladies, be sweet and pink for your man — use Sweet­’N Low and stay in shape and he’ll love you more!’ Then there’s Equal — it’s blue, it’s bold, it de­mands at­ten­tion. It says, ‘Yeah, we’re an ar­ti­fi­cial sweet­en­er, mar­ket­ed to­wards women, but we’re equal!‘
Chick #2: Um… Okay, so what does that make Splen­da?
Chick #1: I guess post-lib fem­i­nism?
Chick #2: Uh, I don’t even know what that is…
Chick #1: Well, see, Splen­da’s in court now be­cause ap­par­ent­ly nei­ther does any­one else.
Chick #2: Wow… The his­to­ry of fem­i­nism, as in­ter­pret­ed by Deb­o­rah, through ar­ti­fi­cial sweet­en­er… I don’t think I was ready for that at eight in the morn­ing on a Thurs­day.
Chick #1: Yeah… But that was the on­ly time it was gonna hap­pen.

–71st & West End

Over­heard by: Pe­dro