Archive for 2018

It On­ly Got Worse When She Whipped out an Aba­cus

La­dy #1: That’s cute. [Ges­tur­ing to jun­gle-print stretchy book cov­er.] Where’d you get it?
La­dy #2: The 99-cent store.
La­dy #1: How much was it?

Head­line by: pee­tow­er

Run­ners-Up:

· “And what did it cost to in­stall it?” — Jer­ry Jeff

· “Green.” — sandie

· “The same as one of your “ser­vices”” — Nu­mer­i­ca

· “There are three kinds of peo­ple in the world–those than can count and those who can’t” — Cousin Al

· “What’s in a name, re­al­ly?” — Ri­onn Fears Malechem


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Like De­cid­ing to Scare the Shit Out of My Own Kids

Dad walk­ing and hold­ing hands of nine and ten year old daugh­ters: Do you know what the abyss is? It’s when you stare in­to noth­ing and noth­ing stares back at you.
Daugh­ters: [be­wil­dered si­lence].
Dad: Do you un­der­stand? I want you to see that it’s a state of mind.

–E 4th St near 1st Ave

Over­heard by: Dan

You’ll Have to Pry It from My Cold, Dead Hands

[guy takes a flyer]Flyer guy: Hey, do you want to know about…
Guy in­ter­rupt­ing: No.
[guy goes in­to re­volv­ing door and fly­er guy fol­lows him in­to the same sec­tion of the door and stops it]Flyer guy: Don’t be such a jerk­wad, I want my fly­er back.

–68th St Loews

Over­heard by: LSB