Archive for 2018

Like Every­body Who Works for a Liv­ing

Guy: You ever try Kopi Luwak?
Girl: No, who is he?
Guy: It’s not a he, it’s the world’s most ex­pen­sive cof­fee.
Girl: That’s not the cof­fee that’s made from cat shit, is it?
Guy: It’s not made from cat shit.
Girl: They pick the beans out of the cat shit.
Guy: Sort of.
Girl: So that posers like you can drink it.
Guy: You don’t un­der­stand the con­cept of gourmet.
Girl: Maybe not, but I un­der­stand the con­cept of eat­ing shit.

–Star­bucks, Court St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Wednes­day One-lin­ers in the Fam­i­ly Way

Woman: She thinks she’s so spe­cial cause she’s preg­nant. Try be­ing 35 and not preg­nant! That’s hard­er to do!

–81st & Am­s­ter­dam

Very preg­nant woman, stand­ing on the sub­way, stares at a young black guy who took the last seat.

Young black guy: What do you want la­dy? I did­n’t get you that way!

–Union Square sta­tion

Why There’s Snow on Top of Dis­ney’s Mat­ter­horn

Suit #1: I was so jet-lagged when I got back from va­ca­tion this sum­mer.
Suit #2: Oh, man, I hate when that hap­pens. Where did you go?
Suit #1: We took the kids down to Flori­da for a few weeks.
Suit #2: Yeah, that’s a long-ass way away. What’s the time zone dif­fer­ence there?
Suit #1: I’m pret­ty sure it’s, like, sev­en hours.
Suit #2: That makes sense. It’s like, al­most in Mex­i­co, right?
Suit #1: No, id­iot. Flori­da’s the oth­er way!
Suit #2: Re­al­ly? My bad.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Mike N

That Sounds Like It’s About Wight

Teen guy #1: Well, I’m French.
Teen girl: I’m Ger­man.
Teen guy #2: Well, I’m from Spain so I guess we’re all from Eu­rope.
Teen guy #1: Spain is­n’t in Eu­rope.
Teen girl: Dude, yes it is. Eu­rope is like its own con­ti­nent.
Teen guy #1: I was talk­ing about Eu­rope the coun­try, not that lit­tle
is­land with Eng­land on it.

–Mc­Don­alds, St. Marks & 3rd

Over­heard by: Kather­ine Gnadinger

Re­mem­ber That Hip­ster who Re­ferred to My­Space as ‘Friend­ster but for Artists’?

His­pan­ic teen #1: Oh my God girl! You’re such a fuck­ing bitch!
His­pan­ic teen #2: Pshaa… Nig­ga please, I got like 300 friends on My­Space and you on­ly got like 100, bitch.
His­pan­ic teen #1: At least I did­n’t sleep with all my 300 friends.
His­pan­ic teen #2: You are so off my top 14.
His­pan­ic teen #1: You aren’t even on mine, so I dont give a shit.
His­pan­ic teen #2: Bitch

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Bryan