Archive for 2018

These Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are To­tal­ly Staged!!

Girl to friend: Yeah, I’m au­di­tion­ing for a na­tion­al tour of A Cho­rus Line in two weeks. I guess I bet­ter learn to sing.

–72nd St & Broad­way

Guy with map to blonde tourist friend: And all the shows that are “on Broad­way” are ac­tu­al­ly lo­cat­ed on a street called “Broad­way.” I just learned that.

–M60 Bus

Over­heard by: KB

Di­rec­tor to ac­tor: If you miss that en­trance again I am go­ing to shit a brick on the stage and throw it at you.

–Piper The­ater, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Kid in line for Shake­speare in the Park tick­ets: So is this all, like, gonna be in that Shake­speare lan­guage?

–Cen­tral Park, Dela­corte The­atre

Over­heard by: Megan

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pre­fer Sub­way Sand­wich­es

Lost-look­ing chick on cell: Why do they al­ways fuck with the trains on week­ends? Don’t they know there are stoned peo­ple try­ing to get home?

–Sub­way Plat­form, Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: Poog­tas­tic

Loud­speak­er dis­patch­er la­dy: Hey you! Up­town num­ber 5! You bet­ter stop stick­ing your head out the win­dow and an­swer me on the ra­dio!

–Up­town 4,5,6 Train, Union Square

Over­heard by: da sarkastik nin­ja.

El­e­gant gen­tle­man, as train starts to de­part sta­tion: Oh, I did­n’t re­al­ize the train was go­ing to move.

–Crowd­ed Up­town 1 Train

MTA an­nounce­ment: The up­town 1 train is run­ning.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kriszti­na

Dis­patch­er: The ar­riv­ing train will be the next train. The ar­riv­ing train will be the next train.

–G Train, Court Square

Over­heard by: Ka­trink

Old man: I’m com­ing, train. I’m com­ing. I’m com­ing, train, you son of a bitch bas­tard!

–6 Train

Wednes­day One-lin­ers, the Play

British guy: Two tick­ets to Grand Cen­tral, please.

–Bowl­ing Green sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kirsten Teas­dale

Woman on cell: I’m not go­ing to punch her in the mouth, Dan­ny.

–Grand Cen­tral sta­tion

Suit: You’re ru­in­ing my life, you pot-smok­ing whore!

–34th & Broad­way

Oma­gah, It’s Wednes­day One-Lin­ers!

Gay man with a com­plete­ly se­ri­ous tone: It is go­ing to take a lot of brown­ie mix and a lot of sex ‑but I am com­mit­ted.

–W 52nd & 9th

Over­heard by: I wish I knew what they were speak­ing about

Queer: Well kids, it’s been great, but I got­ta go. I have a meet­ing in a lit­tle bit and I want to mas­tur­bate first.

–Wag­n­er Col­lege Din­ning Hall

Queer: Any­one can just leave. It takes a true queen to make an ex­it.

–Christo­pher Street

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Queer: And then I was so glad I mis­car­ried be­cause get­ting knocked up and be­ing preg­nant is like, such a has­sle!

–Sarah Lawrence Col­lege

Over­heard by: bit­ter­fame

Gay guy on cell: So wait, you got kicked out be­cause a cou­ple of bitchy fags sprayed you with al­co­hol?

–23rd & 7th

Black queer: My pil­low is Guc­ci! Raaaaaah! [He be­ings to at­tack peo­ple with said Guc­ci pil­low.]

–Pil­low Fight, Union Square

Over­heard by: Lil­lian

Old large gay man to group of young gays: It was re­al­ly great meet­ing you all. You are such an in­ter­est­ing group of peo­ple. [To one boy.] I’d love to see you in a speedo!

–Hol­ly­wood Din­er, 17th St & 6th Ave