Archive for 2018

When Vam­pires Be­come Baris­tas

La­dy #1: I thought it was cof­fee, but it was blood!
La­dy #2: It was blood!?
La­dy #1: It was blood!

–Tech­ni­sphere, 35th St

Over­heard by: Fire­fly

*Points to Nose*

Guy to friend: No one is good at cha­rades. Even the per­son with the high­est score does­n’t re­mem­ber how they got there. If you have some­thing to say, then say it! Un­less, of course, your name is Mat­tel, Mil­ton Bradley… etc.

–18th St

I Know We Work on the First Floor, But It Would Be So Em­barass­ing for Her

La­dy suit: I mean, if she got hit by a bus or some­thing and he was griev­ing and I brought over a casse­role, he would to­tal­ly fall in love with me.
Suit #1: It would have to be a damn good casse­role.
La­dy suit: I make a damn good casserole–have you nev­er had my casse­role?
Suit #2: Maybe we should in­vite her over to the of­fice and have a par­ty on the bal­cony, and then we can all bump in­to her at the same time and push her off.

–Lin­coln Plaza Cin­e­mas

Over­heard by: in­die movie girl

Shhh! Don’t You Know Where We Are?

Woman #1, wash­ing her hands: So I went to see Cirque du Soleil the oth­er night.
Woman #2, in a stall: Re­al­ly?
Woman #1: And this guy is do­ing this whole rou­tine with chairs. He just had a whole mess of chairs, and he was bal­anc­ing them on each oth­er, and he was some­times bal­anc­ing on them too.
Woman #2: Ok…
Woman #1: And it made me re­al­ize, I re­al­ly ap­pre­ci­ate chairs. I just fuck­ing hate Cirque du Soleil.

–Ladies’ Room, Bow­ery Po­et­ry Club

Over­heard by: al­so a fan

Nike Does — They’re Called Knee Pads

Girl #1: I think I should get these high heel shoes ’cause Joe is re­al­ly tall so I need to like, be able to reach him when I’m giv­ing him head.
Girl #2: But…how would that help? You’re gonna be on your knees any­way.
Girl #1: Oh, that’s true. Hmm, do you think Steve makes some­thing for that?

–Steve Mad­den, 83rd St.

Over­heard by: Aman­da Fox

Re­al Bun­ny Eyes Dis­solve, Too

Girl #1: We did this ex­per­i­ment with Peeps in high school. Noth­ing dis­solved them. Not hy­drochlo­ric acid. High­ly con­cen­trat­ed. Not sul­fu­ric acid. High­ly con­cen­trat­ed. Not ni­tric acid. High­ly con­cen­trat­ed. Noth­ing dis­solved ex­cept the eyes.
Girl #2: So how come when I eat Peeps, my poop is­n’t pink and spark­ly?
Girl #1: Oh, there’s in­gre­di­ent break­down and bile’s in­volved, but you pret­ty much shit Peep.

–Metro-North train

Bond­ing with the Home­less (NYC Short Sto­ries)

A hobo tells a woman: If you’re ever in trou­ble, come to this place, yell out my name, and I’ll pro­tect you with my guns.

He holds up both his vod­ka bot­tles.

–World Trade Cen­ter E sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ting

A hobo takes his shoes off. The woman sit­ting next to him gets up with a dis­gust­ed look on her face and moves to an­oth­er seat. The hobo mas­sages his bare feet and shouts to her: Yeah, well your sis­ter is the op­po­site of um, uh, hot!

–E train

Over­heard by: Jeni Aron

Sug­ar and Spice and Every­thing Ripe

Teen boy: You know, some guys think it’s cute when a girl farts.
Teen girl: That’s on­ly un­til they smell it.

–1 train

Over­heard by: an­na

Head­line by: jay

Run­ners-Up:

· “Dr. Strangelove or How I learned not to wor­ry and love the bomb.” — Pavel

· “Find skid­marks in her panties and you’ve found a keep­er” — Girls don’t do #2

· “Smells like teen sphinc­ter” — Leon

· “Then they just get jeal­ous.” — Pea­cock


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