Archive for 2018

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Un­der­stand the Cau­cus Sys­tem

Bleach-blonde: I would to­tal­ly vote for Mc­Cain if Mi­ley Cyrus were his run­ning mate.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: De­mo­c­rat

Woman: Oh, I am def­i­nite­ly a sin­gle-is­sue vot­er. And right now, that is­sue is: Which one of the can­di­dates can get me to a bath­room soon­est?

–7th Av­enue, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Chuck­ell

Drunk hobo to a group of pi­geons: And they’re all De­moc­rats. Can’t trust them De­moc­rats.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Young African Amer­i­can woman speak­ing an­i­mat­ed­ly on cell: … Vice pres­i­dent? Why should I run for Vice Pres­i­dent, I’m do­ing bet­ter than you, bitch! “Dream tick­et!” That’s why I hate white lib­er­als. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Re­pub­li­cans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheel­bo, shout­ing across the en­tire fer­ry ter­mi­nal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–White­hall Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

La­dy on cell: When you done turn Gov­er­nor, you can’t play dat shit…

–As­so­ci­at­ed Su­per­mar­ket, Myr­tle Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: PdQ

Fuck Am­ber Waves Of Grain– That’s Our True Na­tion­al Trea­sure

Vet­er­an on train: You know why Amer­i­ca is the best coun­try on earth?
NJ guy: Um, be­cause we got the most sta­ble econ­o­my and the great­est peo­ple. And be­cause we fight ter­ror­ism where the rest of the coun­tries aren’t pulling their weight.
Vet­er­an: Yep, I reck­on that’s all true. But I’ll tell you, this week when I was vis­it­ing New York, I went to this soup place and or­dered mac­a­roni. And this mac­a­roni was white, I mean with white cheese…not yel­low. I mean, can you imag­ine white cheese? You think oth­er coun­tries have white cheese? I mean, in Amer­i­ca you can have any­thing!

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Hor­ri­fied

Wednes­day 4:20-Liners

Teenag­er in over­sized sweat­pants: When I smoke pot, it just helps me un­clench my but­t­hole.

–Sheepshead Bay, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: PO­LA

Un­der­grad: Those were weed brown­ies? That’s why I felt so weird!

–But­ler Li­brary, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Col­lege boy on cell: The way I see it, with the amount of mon­ey I have, I can ei­ther get two pills, which does­n’t even get me that fucked up any­more, or I can just buy a shit­load of weed.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty Bus Ter­mi­nal

Ston­er to or­tho­dox Jew: Hanukkah? Mar­i­juani­ca.

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: No­ra Claire

…And a Milk­shake, Please.

Woman in store: Let me get a ba­con and cheese on a roll.
Deli guy: Okay, ba­con egg and cheese on a roll.
Woman: No eggs! I have high cho­les­terol, I’m try­ing to stay away from that… Just ba­con and cheese on a roll, and put some may­on­naise on it. (mut­ters un­der her breath) Psh­hh, eggs, you tryin to kill me with high cho­les­terol.

–Lafayette Ave & Broad­way

Go Back Where You Came from, Wednes­day One-Lin­ers!

Woman: I just have a lot of left­over Mex­i­can anger…

–7 train

Over­heard by: Elle-train

Man: This guy is a well-known thief, and he’s mad at me for rat­ting him out about some­thing every­one knows. You just can’t trust any­one, and that’s how I feel about all Cana­di­ans.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Eleanor

Ston­er: That girl was ei­ther French or re­tard­ed…

–14th St

Over­heard by: jen­na

Chick on cell: If you can’t tell what it is, it’s an arm­less man­nequin with a wed­ding dress half on, breasts bared, with a nice Mex­i­can woman pos­ing her for me.

–Harlem

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Bois­ter­ous SI woman: Just push those for­eign­ers out of the way. I’ve got your back — they just want to see the green bitch in the wa­ter!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: Mr. An­der­son & Po­ki