Archive for 2018

Hold My An­kles, Okay?

Girl­friend, drink­ing sake: This is the dumb­est method of con­sum­ing al­co­hol I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen keg stands!
Boyfriend: I’ve done keg stands!
Girl­friend: I can’t be­lieve I’m dat­ing you.

–Blue Rib­bon Sushi

That Coun­try Be­ing the UNIT­ED STATES (Com­ing Soon)

Chick: So are you Japan­ese?
Wait­ress: No, I’m–
Chick: Chi­nese? Ko­re­an?
Wait­ress: –I’m In­done­sian.
Chick: …where is that?
Wait­ress: Asia.
Chick: …Oh, you mean like, with Malaysia, Viet­nam, Ko­rea and all those oth­ers!
Wait­ress: Yes…
Chick: And they’re all re­lat­ed, right?…And they’re in the same coun­try?

–Wasabi, Green­point

Aren’t Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Sweet?

Woman: Cake is ob­so­lete.

–E 84th & 3rd

Over­heard by: ju­lia

Stu­dent giv­ing Pow­er­point pre­sen­ta­tion: Okay, so, um, this is a stat­ue of the Prophet Hag­gai, and you can see in his hand he’s hold­ing a scroll… Or maybe it’s a Cinnabon, I don’t know.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Rose Hill

La­dy on cell: It looked like a marsh­mal­low with stick legs!

–Out­side Brit­tany Hall

Girl on cell: We can get a cake and just… fill it with vod­ka.

–Lafayette Res­i­dence Hall, NYU

Over­heard by: Emi­ly

Man to woman: … Adult ice cream.

–23rd & 7th

Over­heard by: mau­reen

Woman with hair bun: I’m not sure whether that makes me think of cake dec­o­rat­ing or a veiny pe­nis…

–Bar­cade, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: La­dle

I’m Too Sexy for My Wednes­day One-Lin­ers.

Co­me­di­an guy with fly­er: Girl, you have some sexy nos­trils!


Gay man to an­oth­er: Next Hal­loween I am go­ing to be a sexy tub of lard.

–Broad­way & Spring

20-some­thing hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was sup­posed to go as a wa­ter-board­ing tor­ture vic­tim, which is hi­lar­i­ous, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* wa­ter-board­ing tor­ture vic­tim, which is bet­ter than be­ing, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that’s not fun­ny.

–Q Train

Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Is­land was hot! I mean “sexy.” I mean it was… Bam!

–Nep­tune Ave

Over­heard by: tay­lor

Girl on cell: It’s re­al­ly not like a sexy stab­bing.

–Cen­tre St

In­ter­est­ing­ly, This Is Ex­act­ly How Chris­tian­i­ty Works

JAP: Oh my god, I to­tal­ly have to go to my cous­in’s birth­day in a week. Like she is such a bitch!
Fol­low­er: I hate her be­cause you hate her.
JAP: What? I don’t hate her, she is just a lit­tle bitch.
Fol­low­er: Like, what’s the dif­fer­ence?
JAP, walk­ing away: The dif­fer­ence is you are no longer my friend and luck­i­ly you are sooo re­place­able.
Fol­low­er, run­ning be­hind: I’m sooo sor­ry! Please don’t do this!

–Whole Foods, Union Square