Archive for 2018

Wednesday One-Liners Too Ashamed to Wear Last Year's Blahniks

Lady looking at another woman's Roman sandals: I don't like those Jesus-lookin' sandals!

–The Village

Girl: Do flats make your butt look big?

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Matt Morgan

Guy with faux-hawk: You know in Pee-wee's Big Adventure, after he loses his bike and everyone around him is riding bicycles? I feel that way with high-tops right now.

–14th & 1st

Overheard by: Heather

(trendy, skinny, Upper West Side woman on sidewalk is staring down at her feet and looking concerned)
Preppy 30-something boyfriend: I think your toes look better in those sandals.

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: Sushene

Girl: My uncle is gay, like, flying-out-of-his-loafers gay.

–W 67th & Broadway

Overheard by: magical-newyork.blogspot.com

Female cop to two male cops: So he's standing there, really well dressed, nice shoes, and all of a sudden he pulls out this big, big (voice drops) boner, and says "Give me the shoes!"

–Continental Ave Station, Forest Hills

I Was Born a Wednesday, but I Identify With One-Liners

Guy to girlfriend and friend: Goddammit, neither one of you is a gay man trapped in a woman's body.

–8th & 9th

Overheard by: cracking up

Girl on cell: Are all she-males gay? Cause if they're into women, sign me up.

–Astor Place

Teen on cell: Dudes have, like, purses here…

–110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Al-master

Guy to friend: She's not a tranny, but she's, y'know: tran-y.

–Grand St & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: KateM

Man on cell: You and I are both complex women. It's more complicated than that.

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Ben

Me: OMG! WTF? Him: Buh-Bye.

Chick: Do you know how I finally realized I was over him?
Friend: How?
Chick: In the past five years this was the first time I didn’t print out our AIM conversation.
Friend: Wow, that’s great.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: Trace

Me?

Man: Asian chicks are all like, really tight or really loose y'know.
Girl: Wait, like…?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Wow….

…And at Whom?

Crazy woman screaming out of window in Spanish accent: You motherfucking bitch! Hey, you motherfucking bitch. You motherfucker! You motherfucker!
Woman: Where is that elegant woman yelling?

–145th St & Lenox Ave

Overheard by: Gardiner Comfort

The Man Has Earned His Quarter

Decently dressed man, who doesn't look like he needs a quarter: Does anyone have a quarter? Does anyone have a quarter?
(no response, he sits down)
Decently dressed man, sounding like radio announcer: You're listening to power 105… Power 105… You've got the power… Power 105… Power 105…
(lights cigarette, and begins standing on one foot in center of car with his arms stretched out)
Little girl to father: Wow, daddy… He's good!

–6 Train

Overheard by: johnnytomatoes