Archive for 2018

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Too Ashamed to Wear Last Year’s Blah­niks

La­dy look­ing at an­oth­er wom­an’s Ro­man san­dals: I don’t like those Je­sus-lookin’ san­dals!

–The Vil­lage

Girl: Do flats make your butt look big?

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Matt Mor­gan

Guy with faux-hawk: You know in Pee-wee’s Big Ad­ven­ture, af­ter he los­es his bike and every­one around him is rid­ing bi­cy­cles? I feel that way with high-tops right now.

–14th & 1st

Over­heard by: Heather

(trendy, skin­ny, Up­per West Side woman on side­walk is star­ing down at her feet and look­ing con­cerned)
Prep­py 30-some­thing boyfriend: I think your toes look bet­ter in those san­dals.

–86th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Sushene

Girl: My un­cle is gay, like, fly­ing-out-of-his-loafers gay.

–W 67th & Broad­way

Over­heard by:

Fe­male cop to two male cops: So he’s stand­ing there, re­al­ly well dressed, nice shoes, and all of a sud­den he pulls out this big, big (voice drops) bon­er, and says “Give me the shoes!”

–Con­ti­nen­tal Ave Sta­tion, For­est Hills

I Was Born a Wednes­day, but I Iden­ti­fy With One-Lin­ers

Guy to girl­friend and friend: God­dammit, nei­ther one of you is a gay man trapped in a wom­an’s body.

–8th & 9th

Over­heard by: crack­ing up

Girl on cell: Are all she-males gay? Cause if they’re in­to women, sign me up.

–As­tor Place

Teen on cell: Dudes have, like, purs­es here…

–110th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Al-mas­ter

Guy to friend: She’s not a tran­ny, but she’s, y’­know: tran‑y.

–Grand St & Bed­ford Ave

Over­heard by: KateM

Man on cell: You and I are both com­plex women. It’s more com­pli­cat­ed than that.

–21st St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Ben

Me: OMG! WTF? Him: Buh-Bye.

Chick: Do you know how I fi­nal­ly re­al­ized I was over him?
Friend: How?
Chick: In the past five years this was the first time I did­n’t print out our AIM con­ver­sa­tion.
Friend: Wow, that’s great.

–Barnes & No­ble

Over­heard by: Trace


Man: Asian chicks are all like, re­al­ly tight or re­al­ly loose y’­know.
Girl: Wait, like…?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Wow.…

…And at Whom?

Crazy woman scream­ing out of win­dow in Span­ish ac­cent: You moth­er­fuck­ing bitch! Hey, you moth­er­fuck­ing bitch. You moth­er­fuck­er! You moth­er­fuck­er!
Woman: Where is that el­e­gant woman yelling?

–145th St & Lenox Ave

Over­heard by: Gar­diner Com­fort

The Man Has Earned His Quar­ter

De­cent­ly dressed man, who does­n’t look like he needs a quar­ter: Does any­one have a quar­ter? Does any­one have a quar­ter?
(no re­sponse, he sits down)
De­cent­ly dressed man, sound­ing like ra­dio an­nounc­er: You’re lis­ten­ing to pow­er 105… Pow­er 105… You’ve got the pow­er… Pow­er 105… Pow­er 105…
(lights cig­a­rette, and be­gins stand­ing on one foot in cen­ter of car with his arms stretched out)
Lit­tle girl to fa­ther: Wow, dad­dy… He’s good!

–6 Train

Over­heard by: john­ny­toma­toes