Archive for 2018

Ni­na Was Hap­py ’til Pin­ta and San­ta Maria Sailed In­to the Par­ty

Guy: Where did every­one go?
Girl: They’re all in the bed­room look­ing at Ni­na’s breasts.
Guy: Again? Well, I guess it’s not re­al­ly a par­ty un­til Ni­na’s boobs make an ap­pear­ance.
Loud girl’s voice from bed­room: Oh my god, Ni­na, your nip­ples are per­fect!

–East Vil­lage

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Should Be Treat­ed with Kid Gloves

Dad to scream­ing tod­dler he’s hang­ing up­side down: Shhh! Shh… Sweet­ie, it’s just like yo­ga… Now deep breathe… Now… Prac­tice your chakras…

–1st Ave & 1st St

Young fa­ther to tod­dler: Hey man, it’s not cool to scratch your butt in pub­lic! I know you have an itchy, but the chicks don’t dig that.

–Prospect Park West

Over­heard by: Ma­ri­na

Dad with Eu­ro­pean ac­cent to young boy slow­ly rid­ing bike with train­ing wheels: Do you know what we call this in Eng­lish? (pause) “Pa­thet­ic.”

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: ba­con­ista

Fa­ther to tod­dler, af­ter she picked up paci­fi­er from pave­ment: The five-sec­ond rule does not ap­ply in New York City!

–M&M Store

Dad, walk­ing 7‑year-old son to school: You got­ta re­mem­ber. Every­thing I know, I know from com­ic books.

–91st St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Moses

Are You Read­ing Off… an In­dex Card?

Dude: Hey, good to see you, what’s new?
Goth tran­ny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we’re look­ing for a bassist, we have a show on Sat­ur­day, my apart­ment sucks, Joe quit, been try­ing to lose weight, I need a hair­cut, it’s my birth­day next week, and I’ve been play­ing World of War­craft. What about you?

–Hal­loween Ad­ven­ture, 11th & 4th Ave

Over­heard by: Kate Melvin

In­tro­duc­ing Mrs. Sof­t­ee

Girl #1: It’s of­fi­cial: I’m lac­tose in­tol­er­ant.
Girl #2: Oh. So?
Girl #1: Well, I had a pas­ta for lunch in cream sauce. My stom­ach ain’t hav­ing any of it.
Girl #2: It’s com­ing out­ta ya?
Girl #1: Yes, Ein­stein.
Girl #2: All gloo­by glob­by?
Girl #1: Do you re­al­ly have to do that?
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha. You love it.

–6 train

Over­heard by: Eri­ka Thomp­son