Archive for 2018

Wednesday One-Liners Should Be Treated with Kid Gloves

Dad to screaming toddler he's hanging upside down: Shhh! Shh… Sweetie, it's just like yoga… Now deep breathe… Now… Practice your chakras…

–1st Ave & 1st St

Young father to toddler: Hey man, it's not cool to scratch your butt in public! I know you have an itchy, but the chicks don't dig that.

–Prospect Park West

Overheard by: Marina

Dad with European accent to young boy slowly riding bike with training wheels: Do you know what we call this in English? (pause) "Pathetic."

–Park Slope

Overheard by: baconista

Father to toddler, after she picked up pacifier from pavement: The five-second rule does not apply in New York City!

–M&M Store

Dad, walking 7-year-old son to school: You gotta remember. Everything I know, I know from comic books.

–91st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Moses

Are You Reading Off… an Index Card?

Dude: Hey, good to see you, what’s new?
Goth tranny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we’re looking for a bassist, we have a show on Saturday, my apartment sucks, Joe quit, been trying to lose weight, I need a haircut, it’s my birthday next week, and I’ve been playing World of Warcraft. What about you?

–Halloween Adventure, 11th & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Introducing Mrs. Softee

Girl #1: It’s official: I’m lactose intolerant.
Girl #2: Oh. So?
Girl #1: Well, I had a pasta for lunch in cream sauce. My stomach ain’t having any of it.
Girl #2: It’s coming outta ya?
Girl #1: Yes, Einstein.
Girl #2: All glooby globby?
Girl #1: Do you really have to do that?
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha. You love it.

–6 train

Overheard by: Erika Thompson