Archive for 2018

It Made Find­ing a Prom Date Easy

Teenage boy, mak­ing out with girl­friend: Did you know my mom and I are on­ly 15 years apart?
Teenage girl­friend: No way, that must have been re­al­ly hard.
Teenage boy: No, it’s good to be a young mom.
(mak­ing out re­sumes)

–7 Train

Head­line by: Bot­ti­cus

· “I’ll Show You in 9 Months” — Sandy Paws
· “In Fact, It’s Bit Of a Fam­i­ly Tra­di­tion” — Tra­di­tion­al­ist
· “Please Tell Me This Is­n’t What In­spired Gilmore Girls” — katenony­mous
· “Psy­chol­o­gists Call This “Prim­ing”” — chuck

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Mov­ing to Flori­da Soon

Teen girl on cell: So, this week­end I have to go to Louisiana. Can you be­lieve it? My grand­moth­er’s dy­ing. Yeah, again — she’s dy­ing again. My grand­moth­er is al­ways dy­ing. I can’t be­lieve I have to go to Louisiana.

–Union Square

Fa­ther to four-year-old daugh­ter fac­ing Amer­i­can In­di­an in bear cos­tume: Looks like Grand­ma, does­n’t it?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Girl on cell with boyfriend: So, what? I can’t talk down to your grand­moth­er in front of you? What’s fuck­ing wrong with that?!

–Ja­maica Ave & Par­sons Blvd

Over­heard by: Rod-Rod

Lati­na on cell: What am I sup­posed to tell her? ‘Oh, my grand­ma’s dy­ing and my cat’s eat­ing her toes, and… um… I lost the pa­pers’? I can’t do that… [Af­ter pause, she switch­es to rapid Span­ish.]

–30th & 6th

Over­heard by: av­enueF

Creep­ster: I would to­tal­ly mar­ry my grand­moth­er.

–Sly Fox, 9th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Will