Guy, trying to sneak past chubby girl behind counter: You gettin’ fat?
Chubby girl: I ain’t fat, I’m a fat-ass. There’s a big difference.
–W 103rd St & Broadway
Archive for February, 2019
Overheard at Our Favorite Pizzeria
Bag Lady: It’s always the same! It’s always the same!
Woman: Would you like this [crust]?
Bag Lady: No, I want a whole pizza!
–Joe’s Pizza, Carmine St.
Overheard by: Rachel W
…I Was Just Testing You.
Wife: Oh yeah? You wanna step outside? You wanna step outside? You wanna step outside?
Husband: We are outside.
Wife: Exactly.
–Circle Line Tour Pier
I Think You Just While-You-Were-Outed Yourself
Hipster #1 (after five minutes of riding in silence): I so wanna fuck Chayse Dacoda.
Hipster #2: You’ve just gotten so weird since you got cable.
–F Train
All Married People Do This to Each Other
Chick: Oh, yeah, you were gonna call your mom.
Dude: I was?
Chick: Yeah — about your sister.
Dude: Oh, yeah. What did you want me to ask her?
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Antithesis
That Gets Him to Move from Staring to Touching
A guy is ogling two girls.
Girl #1: Oh, no. What do you do when a Jewish guy won’t stop staring at you?
Girl #2: The sign of the cross.
–Starbucks, Queens
I’ve Always Dreamed of Birthing a Kennedy
Hipster girl: [Inaudible]… Sex with animals.
Hipster guy: You have sex with animals?
Hipster girl: I said I wish I had sex with animals.
Hipster guy: Oh, yeah.
–South St Seaport
But Not The Tongue Baths
Tall girl: I think I’m part dog.
Short girl: That explains a lot.
–Kings Highway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Margot
“Fine, but I compound interest daily.”
Hobo: I need money for food.
Guy: Me too, mind if I borrow some from your cup?
–86th & Lexington
It’s Like Iraq: the Curds Get in the Whey
Girl: … And then she put it in front of me, and I was like, ‘Hello! I hate cottage cheese!‘
Queer friend: Oh my god. Cottage cheese is albino diarrhea!
–90th & Broadway
