Archive for February, 2019

Poli-Sci 101: Clintonian Etiquette

Columbia girl #1: So wait, he cheated on his mistress??
Columbia girl #2: Nooooo, he cheated on his wife with his mistress.
Columbia girl #1: Oh, I was confused.

–116th & Amsterdam
Headline by: nj2nc 

· “And by ‘Confused’ I Mean Impressed” — colleen
· “Apparently, So Was the Admissions Staff” — goes to a better NY school
· “He Did Cheat on Both with a Hooker in Vegas, But That Stayed There.” — Deborah
· “It’s OK, Extra-Marital Affairs Is a 300-Level Course.” — Tyson Jurgens
· “It’s a Mobius Strip of Poon.” — prefekt
· “Just as Long as There Weren’t No Damn Queers Getting Hitched. That Would Ruin the Holy Union That Is Marriage.” — Colin McCleod
· “Most Likely to Transfer to a SUNY” — lascouine
· “Professor Giuliani Should Remove His Bio from the Syllabus” — Dave Ellis
· “Shouldn’t be. It’s How You Got into Columbia.” — abby
· “So How Did the Monkey Fit into All of This Again?” — Fleetline
· “You Better Start Learning the Difference If You’re Going to Get That MRS Degree” — SlickRicks
· “You Can’t Cheat on the People You Are Cheating on Your Wife With…It’s in the Bible.” — Sean
· “You’d Think the Concept of Cheating Would Be More Familiar at Columbia” — bri b

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Mean, Unless You’re Creating a Slave Army, Obviously.

Chubby 40-something lady, grabbing tabloid and shaking it in friend’s face: Oh my god, look at this. That Angie, they’re gonna adopt a seventh kid?
Slender friend: Like, please take care of the ones you have first.
Chubby 40-something: She’s like a child hoarder! They only let that one lady have 6 cats. Seven’s too many.

–Times Square grocery

So Stay Out of the Forest

Girl #1: I believe in evolution and God.
Boy: What? That’s stupid. You believe that if a monkey walked into a forest he’d walk out as a human?
Girl #2: She doesn’t believe that, idiot. The monkey would have to stay in that forest for, like, 50 years for that to work!

–Elizabeth & Hester St