Coffee guy: Good morning, sir.
Sir: Medium coffee.
Coffee guy: Milk and sugar, sir?
Sir: Yes, please.
Coffee guy: …you go down, sir?
Sir: Excuse me?
Coffee guy: You go down? Down the town?
–Roach coach, Franklin & Church
Overheard by: Bailey Wier
Columbia girl #1: So wait, he cheated on his mistress??
Columbia girl #2: Nooooo, he cheated on his wife with his mistress.
Columbia girl #1: Oh, I was confused.
–116th & Amsterdam
Headline by: nj2nc
Runners-Up:
· “And by ‘Confused’ I Mean Impressed” — colleen
· “Apparently, So Was the Admissions Staff” — goes to a better NY school
· “He Did Cheat on Both with a Hooker in Vegas, But That Stayed There.” — Deborah
· “It’s OK, Extra-Marital Affairs Is a 300-Level Course.” — Tyson Jurgens
· “It’s a Mobius Strip of Poon.” — prefekt
· “Just as Long as There Weren’t No Damn Queers Getting Hitched. That Would Ruin the Holy Union That Is Marriage.” — Colin McCleod
· “Most Likely to Transfer to a SUNY” — lascouine
· “Professor Giuliani Should Remove His Bio from the Syllabus” — Dave Ellis
· “Shouldn’t be. It’s How You Got into Columbia.” — abby
· “So How Did the Monkey Fit into All of This Again?” — Fleetline
· “You Better Start Learning the Difference If You’re Going to Get That MRS Degree” — SlickRicks
· “You Can’t Cheat on the People You Are Cheating on Your Wife With…It’s in the Bible.” — Sean
· “You’d Think the Concept of Cheating Would Be More Familiar at Columbia” — bri b
Girl #1: Yeah, I know what you mean about whoreish action. One of my friends gave this guy head in a stairwell, like, five minutes after she met him!
Girl #2: THAT WAS ME.
–Laguardia HS
Overheard by: Amanda Clarence Fox
Guy, about article on divorced lesbians: They are coming out all over.
Lady: It’s gotten so you are afraid to sit under a tree.
–Elevator, 1250 Broadway
Small girl: Good people don’t give up.
Small boy: Jesus did.
–A Train
Overheard by: sodidbush
Guy #1: Are people getting dumber or is it just me?
Guy #2: Both.
–6 Train
Teen girl #1: Whoa, are those apples really all in perfect rows?
Teen girl #2: Whole Foods has really out-yuppied itself this time.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Chubby 40-something lady, grabbing tabloid and shaking it in friend’s face: Oh my god, look at this. That Angie, they’re gonna adopt a seventh kid?
Slender friend: Like, please take care of the ones you have first.
Chubby 40-something: She’s like a child hoarder! They only let that one lady have 6 cats. Seven’s too many.
–Times Square grocery
Girl #1: I believe in evolution and God.
Boy: What? That’s stupid. You believe that if a monkey walked into a forest he’d walk out as a human?
Girl #2: She doesn’t believe that, idiot. The monkey would have to stay in that forest for, like, 50 years for that to work!
–Elizabeth & Hester St
Six-year-old black girl: Want a cookie?
White woman: No, thanks.
Six-year-old black girl: But they taste like black people and white people! See the chocolate? That’s the black people. See the white cookie? That’s the white people. Yum!
–Times Square
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist