Archive for March, 2019

You and That Skin In­fec­tion Were Meant for Each Oth­er

La­dy: So, are you giv­ing them gifts this year?
Fat woman with afro: Ugh, I just spent 300 dol­lars on my tat­too. I can’t af­ford it.
La­dy: Oh, re­al­ly?
Fat woman with afro: You know, in Am­s­ter­dam tat­toos are cov­ered by the gov­ern­ment. It’s part of the health plan.
La­dy: Wow.
Fat woman with afro: I mean, why should I pay 600 dol­lars for emer­gency health in­sur­ance when I’d rather that mon­ey be spent on my tat­too? I don’t go to the hos­pi­tal. It does­n’t make sense.
La­dy: Uh-huh… I see what you mean.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Elise L.

Boys Take Non-Pok­ing Very Lit­er­al­ly

Teen girl: I was so mad at him that I un­friend­ed him on Face­book.
Friend: What does that mean?
Teen girl: I was mad, but not mad enough to break up. This way we can still mes­sage each oth­er, but he can’t poke me any­more.
Friend: So, tech­ni­cal­ly, would this be sym­bol­ic or metaphor­i­cal ac­tion?
Teen girl: What?
Friend: Nev­er­mind.

–Penn Sta­tion

These Days He Sells Mort­gage-Backed Se­cu­ri­ties

Well-dressed mid­dle aged woman #1: Do you know him?
Well-dressed mid­dle aged woman #2: Yeah, I bought hero­in from him once a long time ago.
Well-dressed mid­dle aged woman #1: Oh, so you do know him?
Well-dressed mid­dle aged woman #2: Yeah, but I don’t think he likes me; I did­nt have enough mon­ey for it so I just gave him what I had, and nev­er called again.

–1st ‘& 1st

Lick My Wednes­day One-Lin­er, Bitch!

20-some­thing hot girl to an­oth­er: Well, if there was Kool-Aid on your butt, would­n’t you lick it?

–42nd & Broad­way

Drunk girl: I would to­tal­ly lick that off the ta­ble if I was more drunk­er.

–71st & 1st

Man on cell: I don’t speak fuck­ing Ger­man. I put my tongue in butts. I lick fuck­ing cli­toris­es.

–135th & Mal­colm X

Mom to mis­be­hav­ing son: You are not to lick your broth­er’s tongue. You are not to lick your broth­er’s face. I will leave you on the train tracks and you can find your way to the zoo your­self. Now, get it to­geth­er.

–F Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Breakin’ Out­ta This Joint, See?

Guy in crowd­ed hold­ing room for Hair au­di­tion: This is like gay prison.

–Rip­ley Gri­er Stu­dios

Small white jew­ish girl: Oh my god, I would leave my boyfriend for Lil Wayne in a sec­ond. Now that he’s in jail, I think I’m go­ing to start writ­ing him let­ters.

–NYU

Over­heard by: kpan

Heavy­set black kid: Re­mem­ber, the po­lice will take your dead body to jail.

–Q Train

Thug­gy black dude: Naw, I ain’t goin’ to jail tonight–not for no black girl. Now if she was white…

–E Train

Over­heard by: Tall­white­boy

Ghet­to girl to an­oth­er: Girl, you got­ta stop buy­ing things for him. He’s in jail.

–As­tor Place K‑Mart

Over­heard by: El­liot

All Cou­ples Even­tu­al­ly Be­come Les­bian Cou­ples, Any­way

Girl #1: Man, I am so ex­cit­ed to just move.
Boy: When you move in with me, can we get a Chia pet?
Girl #2: Oh, girl, watch out. You get a Chia pet and it’s a slip­pery slope. Next thing you know, you and Cliff will be wear­ing cat sweat­shirts and writ­ing fan fic­tion.
Boy: That’s gonna hap­pen in se­cret.
Girl #1: What­ev­er, bitch, we’re gonna grow herbs.

–The Met