Little boy: Do kids go to jail?
Mom: No, kids don’t go to jail.
Little boy: What if they kill someone?
Mom: Well, when kids are real bad, sometimes they go to juvenile, which is a sad place where they don’t let you do things you want.
Little boy: And they don’t feed you!!
Mom: Well, no, the kids there get fed. But maybe the food isn’t very good.
Little boy, to himself: They feed you McDonald’s. Because McDonald’s is bad for you.
–Downtown 1 train, 50th St
Overheard by: riding the train
Dude #1: It’s not like you did anything for me…
Dude #2: I brought the cocaine… I brought cocaine for you at my engagement party!
–Rumsey Field, Central Park
Overheard by: Jet Black
Girl: Wait, what? You have Gandhi on your phone?
–23rd Street F/V station
Overheard by: emma jackson
Ticket seller: Hey guy! Wanna see a comedy show?
Teenager: Sorry, I was born without a sense of humor.
Ticket seller: Go fuck yourself!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Vinny B
Headline by: Toby
Runners-Up:
· “It Would Have Been Funnier If He Wasn’t an Autistic Hermaphrodite” — Prole
· “Jimmy Fallon Turns Down Tickets to His Own Show” — walty
· “Now *That* Would Be Quite a Show…” — Green Star
· “Really? I Was Born with Tourrettes…” — Chad King
Middle aged man: Let me get a dollar.
Friend: You still owe me a Snickers bar from Riker’s Island, motherfucker.
–Grand Central
Drunk chick #1: I got sandwiches! This one has turkey and Grenada cheese.
Drunk chick #2: Did you just say “vagina cheese”?
Drunk chick #1: No, *Grenada* cheese.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Cute little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Come over here!
Large angry man: No! I want to see the monkeys!
–Central Park Zoo
Old black man: Are you Trinidadian?
Woman: No, I’m Jamaican.
Old black man: Oh, damn… Ya’ll is mean. Jamaican women will treat you good if they love you… But if they don’t… You won’t live very long. But I survived all those women because I’m a pimp.
–2‑Train
Man: You know that website called Overheardinnewyork.com?
Woman: No, I haven’t. What is it?
Man: Lame!
–Empire State Building
Guy: I had to swallow… The whole thing!
–9th Ave & 44th St
Big guy: Did I tell you? The other weekend I caught Jack’s sausage!
–Duane Reed, Jackson Heights
Queens
Overheard by: Mrs. LeClair
Girl, on firefighters packing equipment: Man, there’s a lot of hose out there!
–Hanover Square
Customer: If I’m going to pay 20 dollars for a piece of meat, the least they can do is give me something to wipe my face with.
–45th & Madison
Overheard by: madnyc
One mother to another, both pushing strollers: He just won’t suck on anything else!
–5th Ave between 8th & 9th St
Park Slope
Overheard by: Wankrupt
Dad instructing child: You kind of have to use your tongue to lap it up into your mouth.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: vm
Twelve-year-old girl on phone: There’s really a lake called Titty CaCa!
–8th Ave &16th St
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist