Dude #1: It’s not like you did anything for me…
Dude #2: I brought the cocaine… I brought cocaine for you at my engagement party!
–Rumsey Field, Central Park
Overheard by: Jet Black
Archive for April, 2019
Wednesday One-liners for Sprint Ambassadors
Girl: Wait, what? You have Gandhi on your phone?
–23rd Street F/V station
Overheard by: emma jackson
I See You Share My Affliction, Brother
Ticket seller: Hey guy! Wanna see a comedy show?
Teenager: Sorry, I was born without a sense of humor.
Ticket seller: Go fuck yourself!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Vinny B
Headline by: Toby
Runners-Up:
· “It Would Have Been Funnier If He Wasn’t an Autistic Hermaphrodite” — Prole
· “Jimmy Fallon Turns Down Tickets to His Own Show” — walty
· “Now *That* Would Be Quite a Show…” — Green Star
· “Really? I Was Born with Tourrettes…” — Chad King
I Hope That Isn’t Code for Something Else
Middle aged man: Let me get a dollar.
Friend: You still owe me a Snickers bar from Riker’s Island, motherfucker.
–Grand Central
Even Better Than Vagemite
Drunk chick #1: I got sandwiches! This one has turkey and Grenada cheese.
Drunk chick #2: Did you just say “vagina cheese”?
Drunk chick #1: No, *Grenada* cheese.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
And Your Mother Keeps Giving Birth to Human Children
Cute little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Come over here!
Large angry man: No! I want to see the monkeys!
–Central Park Zoo
I Wondered About the Wide-brimmed Leopard-print Hat.
Old black man: Are you Trinidadian?
Woman: No, I’m Jamaican.
Old black man: Oh, damn… Ya’ll is mean. Jamaican women will treat you good if they love you… But if they don’t… You won’t live very long. But I survived all those women because I’m a pimp.
–2‑Train
Correction: This Site is ALSOME!!!1
Man: You know that website called Overheardinnewyork.com?
Woman: No, I haven’t. What is it?
Man: Lame!
–Empire State Building
Parapraxic Wednesday One-Liners
Guy: I had to swallow… The whole thing!
–9th Ave & 44th St
Big guy: Did I tell you? The other weekend I caught Jack’s sausage!
–Duane Reed, Jackson Heights
Queens
Overheard by: Mrs. LeClair
Girl, on firefighters packing equipment: Man, there’s a lot of hose out there!
–Hanover Square
Customer: If I’m going to pay 20 dollars for a piece of meat, the least they can do is give me something to wipe my face with.
–45th & Madison
Overheard by: madnyc
One mother to another, both pushing strollers: He just won’t suck on anything else!
–5th Ave between 8th & 9th St
Park Slope
Overheard by: Wankrupt
Dad instructing child: You kind of have to use your tongue to lap it up into your mouth.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: vm
Twelve-year-old girl on phone: There’s really a lake called Titty CaCa!
–8th Ave &16th St
CIA: We’ve Really Missed Having You As an Enemy!
Test-taker: What happens if we don’t know our social security number?
Proctor, in thick Russian accent: Then we dismiss your test and eat you alive!
–Edward R. Murrow High, Brooklyn
Overheard by: melanie
