Girl: What happens to the leaves if you just leave them on the ground? They just die, right?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Vera Farrelly
Archive for May, 2019
Falling Down Radicalized Him
Man #1: Yeah, I’m always getting blamed by someone for everything because I’m the man. Fat, white, middle-aged guy in a suit. Yep, it’s my fault.
Man #2: The Texas accent doesn’t help, either.
–E train, 42nd St
Overheard by: Yeah it is probably his fault
Wednesday RU-486-Liners
Guy on cell: That’s the good thing about abortions – you can have like three a day.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Ghetto dude: I told her, I was like “if you get pregnant you best get an abortion, cause I ain’t helping you with that shit.” I mean, I would help her, but I gotta get that shit in her head.
–N Train
Overheard by: Jill
30-something woman to boyfriend: There be some muthafuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth control. I’m woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain’t doin’ it again.
–Abortion Clinic, Queens
Crazy guy on subway, preaching: You know why there’s 100 million Mexicans in America? Abortion!
–W Train
Though I’d Rather Heidi Klum Woke Me Up
Wife: I think we might need a stiff drink after this.
Husband: (doesn’t respond)
Wife: It’s supposed to be sad.
Husband: I think I want to take a nap now.
Wife: Do you want me to wake you up when the show starts?
Husband: (grunts)
Wife: Was that a yes or a no?
Husband: Yes.
–Cherry Lane Theatre
Overheard by: Emily B.
So That’s What Happened to the Ghost of Rodney Dangerfield.
Woman #1: Have you ever been with a married man?
Woman #2: No. Not even when I was married.
–23rd & 9th Ave
Overheard by: C‑Belle
Headline by: Rob
Runners-Up:
· “…But My Husband Has.” — Jen
· “Among the More Common Transexual Paradoxes” — Leary Blaine
· “I Could Never Schedule an Appointment With His Secretary” — Lizzay
· “I Knew There Was a Reason I Shouldn’t Have Married a Priest…” — Lukas
· “What Are You Trying to Say, Mom?” — dazed and confused
Or Rubber and Easily Stored?
Black teen #1: I got a new girlfriend.
Black teen #2: Is she nice and thick or big and nasty?
–J train
The Pogo Stick Made an Honest Woman Out of Her
Teen girl #1: I got a doctor’s appointment after school today. My mom saw this hickey and she’s taking me for a pregnancy test.
Teen boy: Yo, Mexican mom’s is crazy.
Teen girl #2: That sucks. If my mom ever tries to take me, I’m telling her it’s a civil rights violation.
Teen girl #1: I already got my excuse. I’m gonna say it busted when I was riding my bike.
Teen boy: No, that’s no good. Say you was jumpin’ up and down.
–7 train
The Intro to Every Horror Movie from the 80’s, in a Nutshell
Male 30-something lawyer: I’m looking forward to this weekend. Me and my girlfriend are going camping.
Male 50-something lawyer: The only thing I have left to look forward to is a quick, painless death.
Male 30-something lawyer: Have you ever been camping?
–Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
If James Dean Were Still Alive Today
Man: Do you wanna ride in the sidecar of my motorbike? My son does that all the time. We go really fast!
Teen girl: Yeah, sure, I’d love to go in your pre-war sidecar. With a bit of luck, all my friends will see me with some crazy bald man and that will be the end of my life. No, thanks!
–The Village
Wednesday One-liners Got Late Night Munchies
Mom: Excuse me, Mr. Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffin, that’s a little revisionist, don’t you think?
–Park Slope
