Archive for June, 2019

Sounds Like It Worked Per­fect­ly

Yup­pie guy #1: Well, they’re in that “Ba­by-Co­ma mood” for, like, the first, three or four months. You can ba­si­cal­ly plop ’em down any­where, and they just stay there. It’s cool.
Yup­pie guy #2: But what if it starts wailin’?
Yup­pie guy #1: Oh, then you give it to the wife. You just say, kin­da sweet-like, “Some­one wants his Mom-my.”
Yup­pie guy #2: That works?
Yup­pie guy #1: That’s what my broth­er-in-law said…But then again, he is di­vorced now.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ro­ry J. Thomp­son

I Thought the Dev­il Wore Pra­da

Bag man: Nice toes.
Guy: Um…thanks?
Bag man: Well, you know, so many peo­ple be wearin’ these things and they got some nasty boar feet, but you got some nice toes there. Good for you.

–Bar­ney’s Ware­house Sale, W. 17th Street

Over­heard by: A. Hen­der

Ooo, What About Ice Princess?

Teen #1: What do you think is like the best sports movie ever?
Teen #2: I think The Green Mile.
Teen #3: That ain’t no sports movie, man!
Teen #2: He was run­nin’!
Teen #1: I like Rudy.
Teen #2: Naw man, Rudy was a fuckin’ bench­warmer.
Teen #3: Naw, Rudy is all about how the lit­tle guy can per­se­vere.
Teen #1: I cried at Rudy.
Teen #3, touch­ing his heart: Yeah, man, Rudy hurts.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Bren­da

You Aren’t Be­ing Served

Arts Club guy: Hel­lo, young woman! How may I help you?
Shaved head woman: Uh…can we get some drinks?
Arts Club guy: This is a pri­vate club. We’re closed.
Shaved head woman: Well, I am a mem­ber.
Arts Club guy: If you were a mem­ber, you would know that we were closed.

–Na­tion­al Arts Club, Gramer­cy Park South

Over­heard by: Olivia + Will Hal­man

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, the Peo­ple’s Char­i­ot

Ghet­to fab bus dri­ver : Hel­lo and good morn­ing. Wel­come to the Bolt Bus, my name is Jacques and I’m go­ing to be your op­er­a­tor to­day. We do ap­pre­ci­ate your busi­ness. Well, I ap­pre­ci­ate your busi­ness. For my nails. Get­ting my hair done. Yeah.

–Bolt­Bus

Over­heard by: Julie and Mark The Snob

Bus dri­ver (as bus leaves Lex­ing­ton stop): The stop af­ter this stop will be the next stop.
(as bus turns in­to Cen­tral Park) Ladies and gen­tle­men, the next stop will be Cen­tral Park West. Please have your pass­ports ready.

–Crosstown Bus

Bus dri­ver over in­ter­com (as bus pass­es Uni­sphere): Oh, every­one’s from New York? Then y’all al­ready know this spot! I can’t tell you noth­ing! Bye.

–Shut­tle Bus, Flush­ing Mead­ows Park

Con­duc­tor: Good morn­ing! This is the bus dis­patch­er. It’s a sun­ny 78 de­grees on a beau­ti­ful Wednes­day! I’m hap­py to re­port the bus lanes in­bound to New York are slic­ing through traf­fic like a hot knife through but­ter! En­joy your day, con­trol cen­ter, out.

–NJ Tran­sit Bus

Over­heard by: Jerzey…CloseEnough

Con­duc­tor: Al­right folks, re­mem­ber to keep cool to­day and drink plen­ty of wa­ter. I rec­om­mend ya’ll eat some Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios. Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios will make ya’ll nicer to each oth­er. Stay away from that ba­con and eggs. Too hot. Yes, Hon­ey Nut Chee­rios. Have a nice day.

–B61 Bus

Over­heard by: should have eat­en break­fast