Jewish chick #1: You know, it’s kind of awkward to register for sheets for a wedding.
Jewish chick #2: Really? Why?
Jewish chick #1: Because, it’s like, they know what you’re doing!
–84th St & Central Park West
Archive for June, 2019
My Daddy Says He Has a Very Expensive One on His Back
JAP #1: If you had the chance to hold a monkey, but you had to pay, like, five dollars for it, would you do it?
JAP #2: Oooh, uh-uh. Ain’t no monkey worth five dollars of my time.
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: sarah+ryan
We Won’t Always Be the Latest Ones on the Scene
Girl, walking past old-time dance: Look at those people in there. Do you think when we’re those people’s age we will do that?
Guy: Yeah probably, I wonder if it will be the same music that they dance to now?
Girl: Nah it’ll probably be like … Jay‑Z. (laughs)
Guy: (laughs)
Girl: And we’ll have another couple there who are our archenemies that we compete with every week.
Guy: Yes! We have to have that life!
–E 17th St
Overheard by: Lisa
Wednesday One-Liners Love Drunk Talk
Drunk girl with tinsel in her hair: Alright, so why is in my history that it says “thehugestcock.com”?
–Starbucks, Sheridan Square
Drunk guy: The Amazins? Fuck them! The only amazin’ thing about them is they never fucking win…
–Downtown 6 Train
Drunk man at 1:30 am: Vagina bar!
–49th St, Astoria
Drunk girlfriend to even drunker boyfriend: Ohmigod! I have to get up in five hours and teach!
–116th St
Jelly Roll Wednesday One-Liners
Chick: … So she had sex with both Rush Limbaugh and Bernie Kerik? Ewww, I wouldn’t want to be her vagina!
–10 E 53rd St
Overheard by: I thought ewww, too
Fat latina: You mean it don’t shake and jump up and down? Girl, what kinda clit do you have?
–Stanton & Clinton
Old guy sweeping sidewalk: You won’t see me begging for no pussy. No way.
–118th & 5th
Overheard by: robin b
Girl in skirt to boy, both standing in the cold: If you could see my undercarriage right now you would see that it’s quivering.
–21st & Broadway
Guy on cell: Yeah, girl. Well, just wait, ’cause I’m gonna terrorize your pussy tonight.
–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Peter Rice
Lesbian: … So I was like, ‘Fine, bitch. You can shove your own fucking fingers up your own fucking cooch. I’m going to put on my clothes and sit in the corner and change my Facebook status…’
–Restroom, Stuyvesant High School
Teen boy: I ate too much pussy. Now I have pussy poisoning.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: sara swank
I’d Guess Not Unlike Star Jones
Woman #1: …she’s also a lesbian.
Woman #2: Really?
Woman #1: Yeah. She’s a black Jewish lesbian mother.
Woman #2: …What do the kids look like?
–Central Park reservoir track
Chicken-Fried Wednesday One-Liners
40-year-old mom: Last year they took the class to a farm in Brooklyn, and he punted a live chicken.
–Christopher St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: confused
Woman in chicken suit handing out flyers: Please take one so I can go home!
–34th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Maggie
Girl on cell: … So he was right in the middle of the chicken…
–119th & Broadway
Teen girl: The chickens are gonna kill me, seriously!
–8th & Ocean
Hobo: Do you know how much I regret that? Nobody got AIDS… except the chicken.
–W 4th St subway station
Don’t You Back-Sass Me — That Is a Metaphor
30-something mom: Darnell, how many times do I gotta tell you not to walk down the stairs on the left side when there’s people coming up?
Nine-year-old: But Maaama, you always tol’ me to make my own path!
–F train platform, W 4th
Bush Figures Out His Tailors Tricked Him
Mother: When is the president coming by? My children want to see.
Police officer: Well, nobody will be able to see the president because we were told no one will be able to face the motorcade.
–Chambers & West
A Misunderstanding Regarding Whether Her Man Should Continue Breathing
Woman: This is the second time I been to New York, though, ’cause last time my girl was like, “Do you like the nightlife?” and I said, “Yeah,” and she was like, “Then you gotta get to the city, bitch,” and I got arrested for smoking a blunt on someone’s brownstone.
Man: That’s terrible.
Woman: Oh no, I mean, it was like the second time I got arrested, you know, so it was like no big deal.
Man: What happened the first time?
Girl: Oh, that was just a misunderstanding. I was like 14, and I was wit’ ma man, and we was having words – like, we was having a disagreement – and I stabbed him, is all. It was just a misunderstanding.
–Chinatown bus
Overheard by: Fung Wahhahahahaha
