Guy: Well, William can be Bill, Robert can be Bob, and John can be Jack.
Girl: John can be Jack?
Guy: Yeah, you know, like sometimes John Kennedy was called Jack Kennedy.
Girl: Then why did they call him Robert?
–Diner, 22nd & 3rd
Archive for September, 2019
“Revapidizing,” He Calls It
Young woman: Do you see this line on my face?
Friend: What line?
Young woman: This line. I must have got it from my internship. (pause) I think it’s from… thinking. But I called my plastic surgeon, and he’s totally gonna fix it.
–Columbia University
Cell Phone Fun
Man on cell: I’ve got an idea. How about you go fuck yourself?…Say what? You don’t think so?
Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner
Teen in sideways cap: I touched it, but I didn’t like it.
–Uptown A Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Student: Dude, I think I’m dyslexic with stairs.
–Stuyvesant High School
Teen, seriously: No… Webkinz are definitely a lot more high-maintenance then neopets.
–Downtown 6 Train
Teenage boy: I want to be a Senator or something like that. Like, the Government is the best place to have sex.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Punk teen to friends: Even though it seemed like she was into things, now she’s not into anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: i don’t like stuff either
And You Call Yourself A Guy…
Guy #1: Do you think you could ever date her?
Guy #2: I don’t know.
Guy #1: Why not?
Guy #2: I can’t picture myself having sex with her.
–Tower Records, 66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh Caldwell
If They Had Kids, There’s a Fifth Option
Girl: Think you’ll be able to convince your parents to go see a movie or something over Christmas?
Guy: Not a chance. My parents are impossible to motivate to do anything.
Girl: Ah, I bet you could get them to at least try during the holidays.
Guy: I’m not kidding…They are completely exhausted by eating, sleeping, shitting, and working. That’s all they have energy for.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: BBW
No, She’s Thinking of the Houses…and Limbs
Guy: So a bunch of people are getting hurricane Katrina tattoos.
Girl #1: What would a hurricane tattoo even look like?
Girl #2: It would just be a swirl.
Girl #1: No babe, you’re thinking of a tornado.
–Stanton Social Club, Stanton Street
Overheard by: JDM & MZ
Licking Your Lips Doesn’t Count.
Girl: Have we ever said anything nice about anyone?
Guy: I said that stripper was hot last night.
–23rd & Park
Overheard by: melissa
Never Leaves the House
Guy #1: It’s too bad what that stingray did to Steve Irwin, but it was just an unpreventable accident.
Guy #2: Unpreventable?! He shoulda stayed in the fuckin’ boat!
–Kevin St. James Bar, 8th Ave
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
His Career Is So Lifelike
Staff member is interviewing a man who has just finished touring the museum.
Staff member: Is there any famous person you’d like to see in Madame Tussaud’s who’s not here yet?
Man: Tony Danza!
Staff member: .…Right.
–Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum, Times Square
