Archive for October, 2019

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Bring Up the Rear

20-some­thing girl on phone: So I said, stick it in my ar­se and then we’ll talk busi­ness!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Ken Adams

Drag queen: Give me a bath­room, a bar of soap, and some lube and I’m good to go. Hold my cheeze doo­dles.

–2nd Ave

Cross-dress­er, stum­bling down steps with man out of apart­ment build­ing: That re­al­ly hurt my ass!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: D

20-some­thing hot girt to friend: We’re not even Face­book friends… She can’t just be talk­ing to me about anal beads.

–PATH Train

Un­less I Could In­ter­est You in Some Re­bound Sex?

20-some­thing girl (fol­low­ing old­er man and sniff­ing him): Mm­m­m­m­mm.
Old­er man (let­ting her pass): Ex­cuse me?
Girl: Sor­ry about that. You smell like my boyfriend. And he dumped me two days ago. (eyes well up)
Old­er man: Well, you’re mak­ing me ner­vous. Keep on walk­ing, hon­ey.

–4 Train

Over­heard by: alex

Just Be­cause Mom Wants You to Con­sid­er Vagino­plas­ty?

Girl­friend, ar­gu­ing: You tell your par­ents every­thing.
Boyfriend: No, I don’t! Just the nor­mal amount!
Girl­friend: No, no, you tell your moth­er way too many de­tails. It’s not nor­mal. They have a word for guys like you: mom­ma’s boys.

–1 Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth

Bland mid­dle-aged woman: It’s not like you’re giv­ing head in the Port Au­thor­i­ty bath­room!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: j

Eng­lish tourist: You’ll go home and peo­ple will ask: “So what did you do on hol­i­day?” You’ll re­ply: “Oh, I gave the Em­pire State Build­ing a blowjob!”

–34th St

Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don’t you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!

–34th Street

Dude on cell: It was like get­ting a blowjob from the in­side.

–8th Ave & 53rd St

Guy on cell: Is that the guy that’s been suck­ing your dick?

–81st & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Kel­ley

Young guy on cell: And then I said: “I could re­al­ly use a blowjob right now.” She was of­fend­ed!

–48th & Park

Young black man to friend: Just be­cause she sucks my dick does­n’t make her Oprah Win­frey.

–B48 Bus

Rorschach Hands: the New Psy­cho­an­a­lyt­i­cal Tech­nique

Pro­fes­sor: When vas­sals would take an oath of loy­al­ty they would kneel in front of the king and put their hands like this [puts hands in prayer po­si­tion]. Now, what does this look like?
Stu­dent: A vagi­na?
Pro­fes­sor: No! Pray­ing! It looks like pray­ing!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ma­ri­na C

Head­line by: belle

Run­ners-Up:

· “Ei­ther way, it helps to kneel.” — Lind­sey

· “From The Da Vin­ci Code’s delet­ed scenes.” — nick

· “In a re­fresh­ing move from the anus, to­day’s head­line con­test is brought to you by the vagi­na. That’s right, Over­heard in New York is wip­ing back-to-front.” — er­ak

· “Now Get Your Cock Up In This” — B.M.D.

· “Okay, maybe a LIT­TLE prayer in schools would­n’t hurt” — space coy­ote

· “Putting the Pussy on a Pedestal” — Clof


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test