Woman: One grande caramel frappuccino with extra whipped cream, please.
Man: You know there’s six or seven hundred calories in that, right?
Woman: It’s not for me, it’s for my hamster. I swear.
–Starbucks, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: fion
Archive for November, 2019
You’ve At Least Got to Tell Them Not to Scream
Suit #1: Dude, admit it: you want to go to Dorian’s.
Suit #2: No, I don’t.
Suit #1: Yes, you do. Admit it.
Suit #2: Dude, no! I want to talk to chicks, not rape them.
–Tortilla Flats, Washington Street
Overheard by: Initials
Wait ‘Til You Get Lost in Tokyo, Smart Guy
Asian tourist with map out, blocking walking crowd: Excuse me, I’m looking for Houston street…
Suit, with high-pitched sarcasm: Really? [He keeps walking.]
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: a
…Both Of Which Are Mortgaged
Man, in a fury: And then she said that you had three kidneys and you won't share none of them! That ain't true, is it?
Woman, dejected: No, I only have two kidneys…
–Cooper Square
Overheard by: traceface
Better Hundreds Dead Than Myself Inconvenienced
Hispanic guy: Can you believe they shut down the train station ’cause one guy got sick.
Old black guy: Fuckin’ selfish-ass people, man. Selfish.
Young woman: He was having a seizure.
Old black guy: Well, I would’ve dragged him out or something.
White guy: I can’t believe this is happening to me on my first day out of jail.
–116th & Broadway bus stop
Overheard by: Kendall
Now That You Mention It…
Crazy Old Lady: I can’t do it. What could I do? Do you want to kill me?
–Bensonhurst
Notice He Didn’t Say Williamsburg
Art store guy #1: No, I don’t know where it is…Hey, does anyone know where there’s an art show this weekend? This guy on the phone wants to know.
Art store guy #2: Tell him SoHo and hang up.
–Utrecht, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: Jason
Full Frontal Wednesday One-Liners
Dude to another: Yeah, but she got a yeast infection from sitting around naked on muffins all day.
–Union Square
Overheard by: chris
Artsy guy on cell: No, no, she’s not naked… But you want to see her naked!
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Flight attendant: Your pilot for the flight today is Buck Naked. Your first officer is Justin Case. That’s just in case Buck Naked decides to get buck wild.
–LaGuardia
Dude: I heard that all they do there is have sex and drink beer… And have naked snowball fights.
–41st & 7th
I Know — The Color Purple?! What Kinda Fag Shit Is That??
Teen Girl to friend: I'd much rather he got turned on by his two friends than a Broadway show. I mean, how *gay* would that be?
–Boardwalk, Brighton Beach
The Secret is Out!
A Wendy’s employee, fresh off his break, pretends to be a customer.
Wendy’s Guy #1: Hello, sir. Welcome to Wendy’s. Can I take your order?
Wendy’s Guy #2: I want a Big Mac.
Wendy’s Guy #1: A Big Mac?
Wendy’s Girl: I don’t want a Big Mac but I want that sauce.
Wendy’s Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pretty good.
Wendy’s Girl: Isn’t it just 1000 island dressing?
–Wendy’s, Bensonhurst