Man: Yeah, he broke his leg.
Woman: Oh, really? That’s too bad.
Man: Oh, it’s okay though, he broke both of them.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Christopher Benton
Archive for December, 2019
Ever Since I Accidentally Tripped Over Them
Tall girl: I think I saw his brother in the chorus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There’s four of them. And they’re all beautiful. It’s so not fair. I’m weird-looking and, according to my grandma, my brother looks like the love child of Jake Gyllenhaal and Sanjay Gupta.
Tall girl: And your parents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can’t believe you remember that.
–Downtown 1 Train
Some Pretty Sharp Wednesday One-Liners
Boyfriend, after kissing obviously sick girlfriend: Ugh! That was like a germ syringe made out of lips.
–116th & Broadway
NYU student: I love rolling over and having used heroin needles stabbing me in my trachea.
–NYU
Overheard by: Angela
Guy on cell: Seriously, you should come to the park, it’s a beautiful day today. Take your dog out, go for a stroll, and find some hypodermic needles on the ground.
–Corona Park, Flushing Meadows
Skinny blonde: Is this sugar-free?
–Flu Shot Line, NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: Jamie
When Snobs Sing Country Music
Curly-haired girl: When I think back on all the prestigious internships I had… I really regret how awkward I was.
Friend: (nods vigorously)
–Union Square
Overheard by: Trist
It’s a Word That Only White People Can Call Each Other
White kid: I got into a full-on debate with a friend of mine over the N‑word.
Black kid: I learn a lot of SAT words from you, so tell me: what is a
fulondevay?
–Brooklyn Debate Resource Center, East Flatbush
Overheard by: Lydia
If Everybody You Meet Is a Wednesday One-Liner, Check the Mirror
Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric’s an asshole, but he’s like… my asshole.
–11th & Broadway
Overheard by: Z
Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes.
–Brooklyn Public House
Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies
Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn’t suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?
–Office, Midtown
Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy!
–Bronx High School of Science
Overheard by: urbanadventurer
Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You’re all assholes! Stupid assholes!!
–Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: Hollister
But It Might Just Be a Jello Wrestling Pit
Drunk girl #1: Where do you see yourself five years from now?
Drunk girl #2, despairingly: In a ditch!
Drunk girl #1: Awkward.
–14th & 1st
Ow! Nice Cuffs, Though
Man in knit hat, dirty shirt, and hoodie exiting elevator: Yo, what you supposed to be, a cowboy?
Guy in cowboy hat and fringe jacket: Yeah, that’s right!
Man: Well, guess what — I’m a thug! Ha! [Turns to police officer standing nearby] And what about you, you supposed to be a cop? That’s a shit costume!
–DeKalb & Flatbush
Overheard by: Johnny Tremaine
Isn’t That Sweet?
[Skinny girl takes box of equal out of her pocket and puts half the packages in her coffee.]Friend: What are you doing? You’re going to get cancer!
Equal girl: Yeah, but I won’t get fat.
–Starbucks
Good Thing He’s Not Going for the Prince Albert
HS boy #1: So anyway, I told my mom that I’m going to get my eyebrow pierced when I graduate.
HS boy #2: Oh yeah? And what did she say?
HS boy #1: She told me that if I got it pierced, she’d grab me by the eyebrow ring and swing me around the room until my face ripped off.
–5 train
Overheard by: christina
