Archive for 2019

Al­so the Orig­i­nal Premise Of San­dals Ja­maica

Woman #1 (seat­ed) to woman #2 (en­ter­ing train): Nice san­dals!
Woman #2: Thanks.
Woman #1: I used to have those same san­dals. I beat a man in his face with that san­dal!
Woman #2: (silent)
Woman #1: Yeah, that moth­er­fuck­er came up be­hind me on the board­walk in Coney Is­land and tried to feel up on me. I beat him in the face with my san­dal. And my hus­band told me, “you should­n’t have been wear­ing that short skirt.” I said, “I can wear what­ev­er the fuck I want!“
Woman #2: Oh.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Al­li­son B

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Make His­to­ry Come Alive

Dude: Dude, the Thir­ty Years War end­ed four hun­dred years ago! Get over it!

–63rd and York

Over­heard by: John Bardes

Am­a­teur his­to­ri­an: The Eng­lish peo­ple that lived on the Is­land re­spect­ed her be­cause she is Ital­ian, and the Eng­lish re­spect Ital­ians be­cause they re­spect­ed the Ro­mans.

–Penn Sta­tion

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pre­tend They Know Bet­ter

Hip­ster guy: Dude, no one goes there, it’s a ghost town–like Cher­nobyl or My­Space.

–Whole Foods

Hip­ster: In Thai­land, the Pad Thai just did­n’t live up to my ex­pec­ta­tions.

–Wall Street Burg­er Shoppe

20-some­thing white hip­ster girl: Well, she used to be some sort of hedge fund chick, but now she’s a trapeze artist.

–41st St & Queens Blvd

Over­heard by: alexan­der

Hip­ster in the YA sec­tion: I on­ly eat or­gan­ic food, so I can’t shop at Whole Foods. Yeah, they seem like re­al­ly nice peo­ple, but they shop at Whole Foods, and that’s against my phi­los­o­phy. Did you see the movie Zeit­geist? It’s all true.

–The Strand

Drunk hip­ster: I hope my Wells Far­go goes through tonight, I’m gonna buy so much Bub­ba Gump.

–Stein­way & 34th Ave, Queens

Hip­ster stand­ing on long board with three Dachs­hunds on sep­a­rate leash­es, as they be­gin to pull him down the street: It’s work­ing… It’s work­ing!

–23rd & 3rd

Over­heard by: ec

How Je­sus Got Peo­ple to Go on the Road With Him

Tourist: How do you know which ones are go­ing where?
New York­er: Which ones? Well, they have a 4, 5, or 6 num­ber on them, and they’re all go­ing up­town.
Tourist: But we’re go­ing to 68th street, and they’re not all go­ing there. How do you know which ones are mak­ing which stops?
New York­er: Oh, well…You just kind of know.
Tourist: Oh. Well, we’re just gonna fol­low you.
New York­er: Okay.

–4/5/6 sta­tion, 59th St

Over­heard by: tr­ish