Archive for 2019

And if he Was in him, That Would be Swiss.

Pol­ish girl #1: Was that the Car­di­nal over there?
Pol­ish girl #2: No. The Car­di­nal wears red.
Pol­ish guy: Oh man! If the Pope was on top of the Car­di­nal, that would be so Pol­ish!
Pol­ish girls: …
Pol­ish guy: No! I mean, like the flag!

–Pu­las­ki Day Pa­rade, 5th Ave & 52nd St

Over­heard by: J. G. Lap­in­s­ki

I’ve Al­ways Said New York Was a City Of Ass­holes

Hus­band: You fuckin crazy? I would­n’t even buy bot­tled wa­ter in New York. Plain fuck­ing dirty!
Wife: Yeah. I bet you washed your funky ass this morn­ing.
Hus­band: So what! Ap­par­ent­ly every­one else smells the same.

–Times Square

Check Your At­ti­tude While You’re At It

Bag check guy: I want your bag.
Com­ic book chick: Par­don?
Bag check guy: You know the rules. Give me your bag.
Com­ic book chick: Sor­ry, I did­n’t know I had to check this.
Bag check guy: What did you think, that I’m just some crazy black man sit­ting up here ha­rass­ing peo­ple?
Com­ic book chick: Could be.
Bag check guy: That’s true.

–For­bid­den Plan­et, 13th Street