Archive for 2019

If James Dean Were Still Alive Today

Man: Do you wanna ride in the sidecar of my motorbike? My son does that all the time. We go really fast!
Teen girl: Yeah, sure, I’d love to go in your pre-war sidecar. With a bit of luck, all my friends will see me with some crazy bald man and that will be the end of my life. No, thanks!

–The Village

Along with Blue Balls and Shame

NYU brat #1: So, did you guys end up hooking up, or what?
NYU brat #2: Yeah, we dry-humped for, like, an hour.
NYU brat #1: Dry-humped?! What are we, back in, like, eighth grade?
NYU brat #2: What, you haven’t heard? Dry-humping is sooo back in.

–NYU

Overheard by: CK

Wednesday One-liners Sparkle and Shine

Hipster on cell: Okay. After my nap. Call me from the park once you are covered in glitter and I will come down.

–14th & B

Hipster chick: I’m totally boycotting the sun this summer.

–L train

Overheard by: Matt Ferrin

Guy on cell: …and I just told him, “I don’t care what you say. As far as I’m concerned, I am the star of a Broadway musical.”

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Bridget Unnel

The Goy Scouts of America Could Not Be Reached for Comment

New Yorker guy: You know that summer camp I went to? My friend is now the head of it and I’m going to help him out next month.
Girl, laughing: Awww, you’re going to teach the kiddies how to canoe and tie slip knots?
New Yorker guy: No, I’m gonna teach them about the Holocaust.
Girl (laughs then pauses): Wow, that is not what we did at Girl Scout camp in Wisconsin.

–6th Ave & 19th St

Wednesday One-Liners: Now 8 Years Old!

Young woman to another: It's hard to convince your 52-year old boyfriend to go to your friend's 26th birthday party.

–Central Park

40-something coworker to another, on her birthday: I just said "join the club." I did not say what club.

–Midtown

College girl, freaking out: Does anyone have a cellphone charger!? So I can find out what my friend did to me… On my birthday!

–Ave. A & 6th St

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Well, I'm not the one who wanted to go to Shamu's birthday!

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: Barry

He’s a Dick Wolf Fanatic

Tour guide: The school campus has been in many film and television productions, including The Good Shepherd, Law and Order, and most notably the classic Debbie Does Dallas.
Big Midwestern dad: I thought I recognized that library!

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrattStudent09