Archive for 2019

If James Dean Were Still Alive To­day

Man: Do you wan­na ride in the side­car of my mo­tor­bike? My son does that all the time. We go re­al­ly fast!
Teen girl: Yeah, sure, I’d love to go in your pre-war side­car. With a bit of luck, all my friends will see me with some crazy bald man and that will be the end of my life. No, thanks!

–The Vil­lage

Along with Blue Balls and Shame

NYU brat #1: So, did you guys end up hook­ing up, or what?
NYU brat #2: Yeah, we dry-humped for, like, an hour.
NYU brat #1: Dry-humped?! What are we, back in, like, eighth grade?
NYU brat #2: What, you haven’t heard? Dry-hump­ing is sooo back in.

–NYU

Over­heard by: CK

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Sparkle and Shine

Hip­ster on cell: Okay. Af­ter my nap. Call me from the park once you are cov­ered in glit­ter and I will come down.

–14th & B

Hip­ster chick: I’m to­tal­ly boy­cotting the sun this sum­mer.

–L train

Over­heard by: Matt Fer­rin

Guy on cell: …and I just told him, “I don’t care what you say. As far as I’m con­cerned, I am the star of a Broad­way mu­si­cal.”

–34th & 7th

Over­heard by: Brid­get Un­nel

The Goy Scouts of Amer­i­ca Could Not Be Reached for Com­ment

New York­er guy: You know that sum­mer camp I went to? My friend is now the head of it and I’m go­ing to help him out next month.
Girl, laugh­ing: Awww, you’re go­ing to teach the kid­dies how to ca­noe and tie slip knots?
New York­er guy: No, I’m gonna teach them about the Holo­caust.
Girl (laughs then paus­es): Wow, that is not what we did at Girl Scout camp in Wis­con­sin.

–6th Ave & 19th St

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: Now 8 Years Old!

Young woman to an­oth­er: It’s hard to con­vince your 52-year old boyfriend to go to your friend’s 26th birth­day par­ty.

–Cen­tral Park

40-some­thing cowork­er to an­oth­er, on her birth­day: I just said “join the club.” I did not say what club.

–Mid­town

Col­lege girl, freak­ing out: Does any­one have a cell­phone charg­er!? So I can find out what my friend did to me… On my birth­day!

–Ave. A & 6th St

Girl­friend to boyfriend: Well, I’m not the one who want­ed to go to Shamu’s birth­day!

–42nd & 8th

Over­heard by: Bar­ry

He’s a Dick Wolf Fa­nat­ic

Tour guide: The school cam­pus has been in many film and tele­vi­sion pro­duc­tions, in­clud­ing The Good Shep­herd, Law and Or­der, and most no­tably the clas­sic Deb­bie Does Dal­las.
Big Mid­west­ern dad: I thought I rec­og­nized that li­brary!

–Pratt In­sti­tute, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: PrattStudent09