Archive for 2019

Are There No Ap­ple­bee’s? Are All the Olive Gar­dens Full?

Woman at ta­ble: Ugh, I can’t be­lieve they would do that! It’s so rude!
Friend: Who? What?
Woman: Bring a child out. (mo­tions to scream­ing tod­dler two ta­bles away)
Friend: Well, it’s not like they fart­ed or some­thing.
Woman: Still, it’s gross. This is­n’t Con­necti­cut, and there should be laws–for every­one’s safe­ty!

–Dos Caminos, So­ho

Over­heard by: Tom­my

He Was Gay Enough, Though

Woman #1: So, I heard you broke up with your fi­ancé. What hap­pened?
Woman #2: Well, it turns out he was gay.
Woman #1: Oh, I am so sor­ry. Did you have any idea?
Woman #2: Yeah, I thought he was gay when I met him, but then we had sex and I thought, Well, if he can have sex with me, he can’t be that gay

–Ten­nis courts, Cen­tral Park West

Ever Get the Sense That Every Day Is Like an Episode Of Springer?

Tall, gor­geous girl to much short­er, ugli­er boyfriend: Why do you need to know were I was last night? I thought you said our re­la­tion­ship was all about trust!
Boyfriend: I’m your boyfriend! I have a right to know where you were and who you were with!
(as they stop walk­ing and ar­gue loud­ly, a small crowd be­gins to gath­er)
Tall girl: Do you thing I was cheat­ing? Why would you think that? You’re the one that said you’re the on­ly one that will ever love me!
(crowd boos boyfriend)
Boyfriend: I am the on­ly man that will ever love you!
Ran­dom guy in crowd: I love you!
Boyfriend: You love me?
Ran­dom guy: No you douchebag, your girl­friend!

–Broad­way & Wall St.

Just Wait ‘Til You Have Lit­tle Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Of Your Own!

Up­per West Side dad on phone: Dude, it’s a fine line be­tween, “hey, man, can you pay more at­ten­tion to my kids, they have un­tapped po­ten­tial,” and, “lis­ten man, you’d bet­ter pay more at­ten­tion to my kids.” You know? Yeah, you don’t want him to be like, “what a dick, fuck his stu­pid slow kids, now they get no at­ten­tion.”

–74th St & Colum­bus

Over­heard by: rick

Black la­dy: I got a kid, you got a kid, hey hey hey!

–Mid­town

Over­heard by: greg

50-some­thing woman smok­ing cig­a­rette, on phone: That was about the PTA meet­ing for my son’s school tonight, I’m not fuck­ing go­ing to that shit.

–48th b/w 5th & 6th

Over­heard by: Mike

Ghet­to dude: My mot­to is “you bet­ter not bring yo’ kids.”

–A Train

Over­heard by: Wes­ley

…We Can at Least Make This an Ed­u­ca­tion­al Ex­pe­ri­ence.

Adopt­ed boy on PlaySta­tion to gay fa­ther: Why can’t we just get on this next bus?
Gay fa­ther: Noah, I told you, this bus does­n’t go to where we want to go. Do you want to go stay at some­one else’s house? (un­der his breath) I’d like to send you to some­one else’s house…
Adopt­ed boy: Ugh, well, how long do we have to wait?
Gay fa­ther: Un­til the next bus! C’­mon, let’s go wait in Hoot­ers.

–Hamp­ton Jit­ney, Queens

Over­heard by: sarah

“I Said Cof­fee!”

Cashier #1: I felt so bad. She was try­ing to be so nice to her, but this woman was just hor­ri­ble.
Cashier #2: What hap­pened?
Cashier #1: She asked her if she want­ed a vente mocha frappacino–she was even smil­ing and stuff when she asked–and then the woman got all mad and said, “Look it, I don’t speak Ital­ian.”

–Star­bucks, As­tor Place