Archive for 2019

It’s Like Jersey Got Rich and Took a Bath

Suit: It’s up in Connecticut, right over the river in Norwalk, I think.
Lady suit: Oh, I don’t that Connecticut, I only know Danbury.
Suit: Isn’t that in Connecticut?
Lady suit: I told you, I don’t know Connecticut.

–Maiden Lane & South Street

Yuppie guy: I don’t know, man. I’m still on Connecticut time.

–W. 56th between 5th & 6th

…We Might Run Into My Conquests.

Overenthusiastic hipster teen: Look, mom! It's the Stonewall inn! Man, I heard about this place!
Clueless mom: Oh, great. I'm so hungry! You want to eat here?
Overenthusiastic hipster teen: Sure, but ma, it would be awkward for us to have dinner in a gay bar.

–Christopher Street, Greenwich Village

Overheard by: Delilah

“Will Wednesday One-Liner for Food”

Hobo to arguing couple walking past: Get over it, man! Tell her you love her. Sometime you gotta kiss some ass, you know.

–8th Ave & 58th St

Overheard by: Lindsey

Bag lady with "the aid kills" sign, yelling: Help the homeless, help the homeless! No cure for the aid. No cure for pussy!

–Bryant Park

Hobo to little girl holding candy cigarette: Yooo! Is that a blunt? Gimme some, young lady.

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Alisa

Bitter beggar to passersby: Can you help me out? Assssssholes! Can you help me out, can you help me out? Assssssholes!

–41st & Madison

Overheard by: voidoid

Hobo to another who just folded and threw away cardboard box: That's one of them disposable beds isn't it?

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Your Editors Are Sheepishly Raising Our Hands

NYU student #1: The fire alarm went off in the building at, like, 1 am last night. It was semi-terrifying. I was so mad.
NYU student #2: Who set it off?
NYU student #1: I don't know, I think someone burned toast in their room.
NYU student #2: Who makes toast at 1am?
NYU student #1: I know, right! Last time it went off, it was from a deep frying pan at, like, 9pm. Who deep-fries at 9pm?

–NYU