Chick #1: Eeeeeew, I hate this show!
Chick #2: Me too! Hella boring.
Chick #1: I’m probably going to watch it.
Chick #2: Oh, me too.
–Times Square
Archive for 2019
I Can’t Change That, So I’m Getting Braces
20-something woman #1: Why don’t boys like me? Because of my snaggle-tooth?
20-something woman #2: No. Because you’re obsessed with The Snorks.
–Relish, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Justin Casement
It’s Like Jersey Got Rich and Took a Bath
Suit: It’s up in Connecticut, right over the river in Norwalk, I think.
Lady suit: Oh, I don’t that Connecticut, I only know Danbury.
Suit: Isn’t that in Connecticut?
Lady suit: I told you, I don’t know Connecticut.
–Maiden Lane & South Street
Yuppie guy: I don’t know, man. I’m still on Connecticut time.
–W. 56th between 5th & 6th
…We Might Run Into My Conquests.
Overenthusiastic hipster teen: Look, mom! It’s the Stonewall inn! Man, I heard about this place!
Clueless mom: Oh, great. I’m so hungry! You want to eat here?
Overenthusiastic hipster teen: Sure, but ma, it would be awkward for us to have dinner in a gay bar.
–Christopher Street, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Delilah
Guess That Also Explains Why You’re So Fashionably Thin!
Woman with crew cut to salesman: Excuse me, my husband’s glow necklace is leaking – may I exchange it?
(glow necklace salesman hands her a new one)
Salesman: And that’s a lovely haircut you have!
Woman, not amused: I’m going through cancer.
–Prospect Park
“Will Wednesday One-Liner for Food”
Hobo to arguing couple walking past: Get over it, man! Tell her you love her. Sometime you gotta kiss some ass, you know.
–8th Ave & 58th St
Overheard by: Lindsey
Bag lady with “the aid kills” sign, yelling: Help the homeless, help the homeless! No cure for the aid. No cure for pussy!
–Bryant Park
Hobo to little girl holding candy cigarette: Yooo! Is that a blunt? Gimme some, young lady.
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Alisa
Bitter beggar to passersby: Can you help me out? Assssssholes! Can you help me out, can you help me out? Assssssholes!
–41st & Madison
Overheard by: voidoid
Hobo to another who just folded and threw away cardboard box: That’s one of them disposable beds isn’t it?
–2nd Ave & 9th St
Your Editors Are Sheepishly Raising Our Hands
NYU student #1: The fire alarm went off in the building at, like, 1 am last night. It was semi-terrifying. I was so mad.
NYU student #2: Who set it off?
NYU student #1: I don’t know, I think someone burned toast in their room.
NYU student #2: Who makes toast at 1am?
NYU student #1: I know, right! Last time it went off, it was from a deep frying pan at, like, 9pm. Who deep-fries at 9pm?
–NYU
No-Legged Hobos: “We Feel Sorry for Staten Islanders”
Girl #1: No one likes him… I feel bad for him.
Girl #2: I feel bad for the homeless people in the city who have no legs.
–Staten Island Mall
Why Pillbox Hats Are Making a Comeback
Preppy girl: I wonder why celebrities do so many drugs.
Queen: Honey, you can only buy so much couture.
–F Train
At Auditions for a Revival of You Can’t Do That on Television
Dude: What happened?
Soaked chick: I dunno. There was like a ‘Grrr’ and then a like ‘Woosh’ and then like a ‘Splat’ and then I was like, ‘What the fuck…‘
Dude: Oh. That explains it.
–50th & Lex
