Archive for 2019

It’s Like Jer­sey Got Rich and Took a Bath

Suit: It’s up in Con­necti­cut, right over the riv­er in Nor­walk, I think.
La­dy suit: Oh, I don’t that Con­necti­cut, I on­ly know Dan­bury.
Suit: Is­n’t that in Con­necti­cut?
La­dy suit: I told you, I don’t know Con­necti­cut.

–Maid­en Lane & South Street

Yup­pie guy: I don’t know, man. I’m still on Con­necti­cut time.

–W. 56th be­tween 5th & 6th

…We Might Run In­to My Con­quests.

Ov­er­en­thu­si­as­tic hip­ster teen: Look, mom! It’s the Stonewall inn! Man, I heard about this place!
Clue­less mom: Oh, great. I’m so hun­gry! You want to eat here?
Ov­er­en­thu­si­as­tic hip­ster teen: Sure, but ma, it would be awk­ward for us to have din­ner in a gay bar.

–Christo­pher Street, Green­wich Vil­lage

Over­heard by: Delilah

“Will Wednes­day One-Lin­er for Food”

Hobo to ar­gu­ing cou­ple walk­ing past: Get over it, man! Tell her you love her. Some­time you got­ta kiss some ass, you know.

–8th Ave & 58th St

Over­heard by: Lind­sey

Bag la­dy with “the aid kills” sign, yelling: Help the home­less, help the home­less! No cure for the aid. No cure for pussy!

–Bryant Park

Hobo to lit­tle girl hold­ing can­dy cig­a­rette: Yooo! Is that a blunt? Gimme some, young la­dy.

–Her­ald Square

Over­heard by: Al­isa

Bit­ter beg­gar to passers­by: Can you help me out? Assssss­holes! Can you help me out, can you help me out? Assssss­holes!

–41st & Madi­son

Over­heard by: voidoid

Hobo to an­oth­er who just fold­ed and threw away card­board box: That’s one of them dis­pos­able beds is­n’t it?

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Your Ed­i­tors Are Sheep­ish­ly Rais­ing Our Hands

NYU stu­dent #1: The fire alarm went off in the build­ing at, like, 1 am last night. It was se­mi-ter­ri­fy­ing. I was so mad.
NYU stu­dent #2: Who set it off?
NYU stu­dent #1: I don’t know, I think some­one burned toast in their room.
NYU stu­dent #2: Who makes toast at 1am?
NYU stu­dent #1: I know, right! Last time it went off, it was from a deep fry­ing pan at, like, 9pm. Who deep-fries at 9pm?