Chick #1: Eeeeeew, I hate this show!
Chick #2: Me too! Hella boring.
Chick #1: I’m probably going to watch it.
Chick #2: Oh, me too.
–Times Square
Archive for 2019
I Can’t Change That, So I’m Getting Braces
20-something woman #1: Why don’t boys like me? Because of my snaggle-tooth?
20-something woman #2: No. Because you’re obsessed with The Snorks.
–Relish, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Justin Casement
Hey, at Least We Gave It to Him Straight.
Straight boy to group of girls: Hey, what are you guys talking about?
Girl #1: Are you sure you want to know?
Boy: Yes.
Girl #2: We’re talking about hot gay guys.
(other girls laugh)
Girl #3: Do you think Jonathan Groff is hot?
(straight boy leaves)
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Oh, Come On– Your First-Graders Aren’t That Bad.
Asian woman #1 (reading ad for tv show): This looks kind of like Dynasty. You know, rich people stabbing each other in the back.
Asian woman #2: Oh, please. Look–the whole cast is white. I see conniving white people all day at work: why watch them again when I get home?
–4 Train
Overheard by: Iris K.
It’s Like Jersey Got Rich and Took a Bath
Suit: It’s up in Connecticut, right over the river in Norwalk, I think.
Lady suit: Oh, I don’t that Connecticut, I only know Danbury.
Suit: Isn’t that in Connecticut?
Lady suit: I told you, I don’t know Connecticut.
–Maiden Lane & South Street
Yuppie guy: I don’t know, man. I’m still on Connecticut time.
–W. 56th between 5th & 6th
…We Might Run Into My Conquests.
Overenthusiastic hipster teen: Look, mom! It’s the Stonewall inn! Man, I heard about this place!
Clueless mom: Oh, great. I’m so hungry! You want to eat here?
Overenthusiastic hipster teen: Sure, but ma, it would be awkward for us to have dinner in a gay bar.
–Christopher Street, Greenwich Village
Overheard by: Delilah
Guess That Also Explains Why You’re So Fashionably Thin!
Woman with crew cut to salesman: Excuse me, my husband’s glow necklace is leaking–may I exchange it?
(glow necklace salesman hands her a new one)
Salesman: And that’s a lovely haircut you have!
Woman, not amused: I’m going through cancer.
–Prospect Park
“Will Wednesday One-Liner for Food”
Hobo to arguing couple walking past: Get over it, man! Tell her you love her. Sometime you gotta kiss some ass, you know.
–8th Ave & 58th St
Overheard by: Lindsey
Bag lady with “the aid kills” sign, yelling: Help the homeless, help the homeless! No cure for the aid. No cure for pussy!
–Bryant Park
Hobo to little girl holding candy cigarette: Yooo! Is that a blunt? Gimme some, young lady.
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Alisa
Bitter beggar to passersby: Can you help me out? Assssssholes! Can you help me out, can you help me out? Assssssholes!
–41st & Madison
Overheard by: voidoid
Hobo to another who just folded and threw away cardboard box: That’s one of them disposable beds isn’t it?
–2nd Ave & 9th St
Your Editors Are Sheepishly Raising Our Hands
NYU student #1: The fire alarm went off in the building at, like, 1 am last night. It was semi-terrifying. I was so mad.
NYU student #2: Who set it off?
NYU student #1: I don’t know, I think someone burned toast in their room.
NYU student #2: Who makes toast at 1am?
NYU student #1: I know, right! Last time it went off, it was from a deep frying pan at, like, 9pm. Who deep-fries at 9pm?
–NYU
No-Legged Hobos: “We Feel Sorry for Staten Islanders”
Girl #1: No one likes him… I feel bad for him.
Girl #2: I feel bad for the homeless people in the city who have no legs.
–Staten Island Mall
