Archive for 2019

Roe vs. Wednesday One-Liners

Guy, selling comedy tickets: Come on, guys, see the show! It’s cheaper than a Chinese abortion.

–Times Square

Kid: You may think of abortion like, "Oh, it’s gone!"

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Emilia

Girl: Now I understand why people steal babies! It totally makes sense! We should legalize abortion.

–68th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Manic Mouse

Queer on phone: No, I’ve told you. I’m atheist, I don’t want to go to church with you. Well, I dunno what to tell you, mother, it’s too late for an abortion now. Maybe you should have used a condom.

–CVS , Cedarhurst, Long Island

Overheard by: Queer CVS clerk

Guy: So, she starts talking about abortion while I got a fuckin’ boner and I’m like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

–W 42nd St & 8th Ave

Uh-Oh, Wednesday One-Liners Are Staining

Queer to friend: Tomorrow is flow day! That’s when you have to wear a pad and a tampon!

–W 3rd, between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: good golly

20-something girl: They didn’t have tampons, so I got Smirnoff Ice.

–Lincoln Place & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: That’s gotta hurt

Hot chick on cell: I’m off! Wish me and my menstrual cup luck!

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Woman: That would be a really awful super-power to have ?- the ability to make a woman menstruate whenever you fuck her.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Argopelter

Wednesday One-Liners Call Themselves “Publicists”

Announcer dude: People, get the Audio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there thinking, ‘I should have listened to that handsome, well-spoken man downstairs.’ You’ll be beating yourself for not buying the Audio Guide. And I don’t need that on my conscience.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: George Carstocea

Daily News hawker: Sign up here for your free subscription to the Daily News! [Muttering] We’ll screw you later.

–Outside Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Mrs. Met

Guy selling comedy show tickets: Come on, have a ticket. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your MySpace page!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Punkgrrl

Top of the Rock promoter guy: Yeah, it’s supposed to be, like, the best view or whatever of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fellow promoter] Yo, man, you ever been up there?

–Rockefeller Center

Flyer dude: See the naked cowboy on stage! Sucking cock!

–46th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ashley

Guy selling newspapers: New York Post here! Daily News here! [He’s ignored.] New York Post here! Daily News! [Still ignored.] George Bush wins the lottery! [Still ignored.]

–33rd & 7th

Comedy club promoter: People, you gotta come tonight, because if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!

–Times Square