Archive for 2019

Roe vs. Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Guy, sell­ing com­e­dy tick­ets: Come on, guys, see the show! It’s cheap­er than a Chi­nese abor­tion.

–Times Square

Kid: You may think of abor­tion like, “Oh, it’s gone!”

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Emil­ia

Girl: Now I un­der­stand why peo­ple steal ba­bies! It to­tal­ly makes sense! We should le­gal­ize abor­tion.

–68th St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: Man­ic Mouse

Queer on phone: No, I’ve told you. I’m athe­ist, I don’t want to go to church with you. Well, I dun­no what to tell you, moth­er, it’s too late for an abor­tion now. Maybe you should have used a con­dom.

–CVS , Cedarhurst, Long Is­land

Over­heard by: Queer CVS clerk

Guy: So, she starts talk­ing about abor­tion while I got a fuckin’ bon­er and I’m like, “Are you fuck­ing kid­ding me?”

–W 42nd St & 8th Ave

Uh-Oh, Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Stain­ing

Queer to friend: To­mor­row is flow day! That’s when you have to wear a pad and a tam­pon!

–W 3rd, be­tween 1st & 2nd

Over­heard by: good gol­ly

20-some­thing girl: They did­n’t have tam­pons, so I got Smirnoff Ice.

–Lin­coln Place & Bed­ford Ave

Over­heard by: That’s got­ta hurt

Hot chick on cell: I’m off! Wish me and my men­stru­al cup luck!

–113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

Woman: That would be a re­al­ly aw­ful su­per-pow­er to have ?- the abil­i­ty to make a woman men­stru­ate when­ev­er you fuck her.

–Stuyvesant Town

Over­heard by: Ar­gopel­ter

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call Them­selves “Pub­li­cists”

An­nounc­er dude: Peo­ple, get the Au­dio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there think­ing, ‘I should have lis­tened to that hand­some, well-spo­ken man down­stairs.’ You’ll be beat­ing your­self for not buy­ing the Au­dio Guide. And I don’t need that on my con­science.

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: George Carsto­cea

Dai­ly News hawk­er: Sign up here for your free sub­scrip­tion to the Dai­ly News! [Mut­ter­ing] We’ll screw you lat­er.

–Out­side Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Mrs. Met

Guy sell­ing com­e­dy show tick­ets: Come on, have a tick­et. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your My­Space page!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Punkgr­rl

Top of the Rock pro­mot­er guy: Yeah, it’s sup­posed to be, like, the best view or what­ev­er of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fel­low pro­mot­er] Yo, man, you ever been up there?

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Fly­er dude: See the naked cow­boy on stage! Suck­ing cock!

–46th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ash­ley

Guy sell­ing news­pa­pers: New York Post here! Dai­ly News here! [He’s ig­nored.] New York Post here! Dai­ly News! [Still ig­nored.] George Bush wins the lot­tery! [Still ig­nored.]

–33rd & 7th

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Peo­ple, you got­ta come tonight, be­cause if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!

–Times Square