Archive for 2019

I Dream Of Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Col­lege girl ey­ing set of six mul­ti­col­ored vi­bra­tors: Man, I wish I had six friends to give this to!

–Sex Shop, So­Ho

Over­heard by: It’s not what you think!

Old­er fe­male suit on cell: Wish in one hand and piss in the oth­er and see which hand fills up first!

–45th St & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: ison­o­mist

Obese black woman: I wish I had a British ac­cent.

–R Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Black teenage girl to her friend: I wish I were In­di­an or Span­ish or some­thing! Or you know, like Ital­ian…

–92nd St & 59th Ave

Loud old­er white la­dy: Tina, I just found out to­day: I have to get two rounds of chemo. I can’t be­lieve this … I wish I was dead. I have noth­ing in this life. Noth­ing! The way peo­ple have treat­ed me, es­pe­cial­ly peo­ple in So­ho, not com­ing to me for read­ings. The on­ly per­son who I love is lit­tle Syl­van. She’s the on­ly one. I could be with her 24 hours a day. That’s how much I love her. But I just wish I was dead! Dead! Okay, well, Tina, call me back.

–M21 Bus

Over­heard by: Ste­phie

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers with Two Per­cent Body Fat

Hip­ster girl to an­oth­er: Yeah, every­one has a crush on him, but he’s got hal­i­to­sis. And a con­cave chest!


Hip­ster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt to­tal­ly suf­fo­cat­ed by cap­i­tal­ist so­ci­ety.


Hip­ster in rain­bow moon­boots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: eliza

Hip­ster chick on cell: Hel­lo? Hey! Guess what? I found my un­der­wear!

–1st Ave

Over­heard by: Aria Gril­lo

Hip­ster: I mean, you can’t just rock a som­brero and think that it’s cool.

–6th & 10th

Over­heard by: El

Hip­ster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Al­bert Green­berg lived for a while.

–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Gins­berg’s for­mer walkup

Over­heard by: midtown_strangler

Hip­ster chick: I wan­na cre­ate a web­site: Nine-Eleven — get over it.

–4 train

Over­heard by: Hurtz donit

But I Did­n’t Even Get to De­scribe the Size and Tex­ture

Col­lege guy #1: I’ve been work­ing hard to lose weight this year.
Col­lege guy #2: I can cer­tain­ly see the change in your face.
Col­lege guy #1: Yeah, I’ve been crap­ping a lot late­ly.
(col­lege guy #2 is silent)
Col­lege guy #1: I mean I’ve been dump­ing a whole lot.
Col­lege guy #2: Okay, that’s enough.

–Gym, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty