Archive for 2019

If They Had Kids, There’s a Fifth Option

Girl: Think you’ll be able to convince your parents to go see a movie or something over Christmas?
Guy: Not a chance. My parents are impossible to motivate to do anything.
Girl: Ah, I bet you could get them to at least try during the holidays.
Guy: I’m not kidding…They are completely exhausted by eating, sleeping, shitting, and working. That’s all they have energy for.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: BBW

Never Leaves the House

Guy #1: It’s too bad what that stingray did to Steve Irwin, but it was just an unpreventable accident.
Guy #2: Unpreventable?! He shoulda stayed in the fuckin’ boat!

–Kevin St. James Bar, 8th Ave

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer

Will You Have My Baby, Sir?

Activist: Sir, do you have a minute for women's rights?
Man: What rights don't you have?
Activist: The right to an abortion.
Man: I don't have that right either. There. We're equal.

–10th St & University Pl

…But It Gets Blown a Lot.

Tall, hot hipster brunette: I mean, when I see girls flocking around him when he's DJing I just think “oh, they are DJ whores.”
Little Asian friend: Uh-huh.
Tall, hot hipster brunette: But this girl has never seen him DJ or anything. I don't get it. It's beyond my level of comprehension.
Little Asian friend: It's okay, me too.
Tall, hot hipster brunette: It's like he has a slut whistle and we cannot hear that frequency.

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: muffin

Infectious Wednesday One-liners

Guy: I said to myself ‘he’s never going to make it’, he’s a drug freak, he has three STDs. But you proved me wrong, my friend

–Columbia Journalism School Graduation Reception

Overheard by: Mooching the Free Food

Queer on cell: I had three staph infections last year — one from the gym shower and the other two from the Roxy, but we won’t go into that.

–11th St & 2nd Ave

Surly truck driver: Yeah, the test results came back positive… but I’m not going to tell her.

–W 57th

Overheard by: Greg H.