Archive for 2019

Tonight’s Lesson: Making Long Island Iced Teas

Aunt: Do you know what you are being?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Does it start with a b?
Child: Maybe.
Aunt: Your father calls me that all the time, you can say it…I give you permission.
Child: No.
Aunt: Is it a female dog?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Come, tell me…is it “bitch?“
Child: Yeah, I’m a being a bitch.

–Isabella’s, 81st St

Overheard by: Gerald T Reiner Jr.

I Know a Place Where They Fix That, Too

Euro hipster #1: I got the soles of my shoes fixed.
Euro hipster #2: Your what?
Euro hipster #1 #1: You know, the soles of my shoes. The bottoms.
Euro hipster #2: I do not know this word.
Euro hipster #1: You know, S‑O-U‑L.
Euro hipster #2: Ah, like ass-soul?

–New York Sports Club, Astoria

Overheard by: Lizzy Vegas

It’s Like a Blessing from God

Woman to guy, about guys making moves on drunk girls they are friends with: So, why do you guys do something like that? It never works.
Guy: Sure, 9 times out of 10 it doesn’t work, but that one time you score.
Woman: But aren’t those other 9 times really awkward and damaging to your friendship?
Man: Yeah, but there’s that one time where you get sex you really weren’t expecting!

–Fiddlesticks Bar

Wednesday One-liners: Questions

Fat old lady: Do you happen to know who wrong the song “Who Let the Dogs Out”?

–Barnes & Noble, 22nd Street

Old woman: What do you want me to talk about? You don’t want to hear about my dog. You don’t want to hear about my cat. What else is there to talk about? 

–N train

Overheard by: Nim G 

Blueblood woman: Yesterday I was in here and got 2 tomatoes and left them here. Have they been found?

–Bleecker Street grocery

Raise Your Hand If You Know Someone Who Did

Girl #1: We did some pretty kinky stuff last night.
Girl #2: How kinky?
Girl #1: He came while doing it in the butt!
Girl #2: Really? Can you get pregnant from that?

–2nd & 67th