Archive for 2019

Don’t Worry, I Know a Guy Who Can Score Some

Girl #1: Do you have Laughing Cow cheese, you know the little button cheeses?
Cheese counter guy: Sorry, we don’t have that.
Girl #1: Can I find it anywhere in the store?
Cheese counter guy: No, since it has preservatives, we don’t sell it here at Whole Foods.
Girl #2: No wonder my doctor doesn’t allow me to have them.

–Whole Foods, Time Warner Center

Overheard by: George

Wednesday One-Litters

Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Frases De Miercoles

Young guy on cell: You're lucky I'm Colombian. If I was Ecuadorian, I'd be slapping you!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jobee

Angry man walking alone, to himself: I could have married a Dominican, but no, I decided not to!

–Mercer & Broome

Teen girl to friend: Your new Mexican is super creepy.

–On Line for the Colbert Report, Hell's Kitchen

Guy on cell: No, no, man, she's Puerto Rican. I'm just sayin' she's Dominican 'cause it sounds hotter.

–105 St & Lexington

Thug holding box of maxi pads: Yo, that motherfucker is like the gay Mexican Marlon Brando. Classic…

–CVS

Overheard by: Karen

Wednesday One-Liners from the Hobogenous Zone

Homeless lady to another: So you’re a certified drug addict, right?

–23rd & Broadway

Homeless man with bag: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have this Liz Claiborne pocketbook for sale. A 60-dollar value for 35 dollars. [Pause] I have this pocketbook for sale. A 50-dollar value and I’m selling it for only 40 dollars. [Pause] Anybody got change for a five? Ladies and Gentlemen, I got a Claiborne bag valued at 80 dollars but I’m sellin’ it for 25. Man, this is a nice bag. If you people don’t buy, I’ll just keep it for myself.

–Brooklyn-bound N train

Overheard by: Jennifer

Hobo: But I made a huge mistake, see? I spent eight dollars and 92 cents on Arm and Hammer!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

Homeless guy: Valet service, right here! Valet service!

–Pelham Bay Station

Overheard by: SilentButDeadly

Hobo to hot chick: Wow! You’re the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen in my life!

–Broadway & 116th

Rapping panhandler: I accept cash, checks, food stamps, benefit cards, money orders…

–Downtown 1 train

Street bum: [To no one] I’ll be back right after these messages.

–Bleecker & Elizabeth

Overheard by: al b