Archive for 2019

Neg­a­tive Twen­ty ‘Hood Points Just for Know­ing the Word ‘Co­sine’

Ghet­to wannabe #1: Yo’ rhymes are so lame it’s like you took the co­sine.
Ghet­to wannabe #2: You so poor you go fishin’ for dimes.

–Wood­haven, Queens

Over­heard by: dren­dar

Head­line by: Against Marj

Run­ners-Up:

· “Bill and Hillary Pre­pare for Next Year’s Video Mu­sic Awards” — Dou­bleJ

· “Co­sine? Like from Nigganom­e­try?” — Big Lar­ry

· “E = MC Ham­mer Squared” — Christi­na

· “M.C. Tan­gent and D.J. Non-Se­quitur.” — Sand­manEsq

· “My rhymes are so hype I can di­vide by ze­ro, Burnin’ down the ghet­to like my name is Nero” — mk

· “Whitey got no al­go­rithm” — Char­lie

· “Why Pythagorus nev­er got sined.” — Julie Baber

· “Yo’ so dumb you on­ly know pi to 3.14159” — arielle


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

OMG! It’s Wednes­day One-lin­ers!

Priest: Please ex­it us­ing the side doors as there are things go­ing on in the front.

–St. Patrick­’s Cathe­dral

Over­heard by: Bryant

Old la­dy: Je­sus on a check? Oh well, I’m an athe­ist, so it does­n’t re­al­ly mat­ter to me.

–E. 33rd Street of­fice

Woman on cell: He can’t hear you when you hate me…You hate me? Then he can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! He can’t hear you! Je­ho­vah can’t hear you when you hate me!

–42nd be­tween 10th & 11th

Woman: You know, they tell those sui­cide bombers they’ll get 99 vir­gins when you get to heav­en. 99 vir­gins! But if you blow your­self up in Brook­lyn, you on­ly get 50. Half off for Brook­lyn.

–CVS, Harlem

Puer­to Ri­can guy: Je­sus loves you. I love you. I know you don’t want to lis­ten to me. I know about your bun­ny rab­bit… Will you be one of the 144,000 chosen?…On Ju­ly 30th we will all come to­geth­er. I will wear a kip­pa. But you know you have to ac­cept the savior…There are 632,000 lords…I will stop talk­ing to you now. The Flint­stones told me not to.

–4 train

Over­heard by: Matt F.