Teen boy #1: Oh man, it was like an episode of I Love Lucy.
Teen boy #2: I love who?
Teen boy #1: Lucy. Oh man,you don’t know what I Love Lucy is? Bam! I ain’t your friend no more.
–Q train
Archive for 2019
They Even Go to the Bathroom Crazy
Hobo: Don’t you be lookin’ at my dick, motherfucker!
Homed: What?
Hobo: You look at you own dick when you takin’ a piss!
Homed: I wasn’t looking–
Hobo: Mutherfuckin’ faggot. Probably same faggot pissin’ AIDS all over everybody. Oughta put a bullet up you ass…
–Grand Central men’s room
Overheard by: john chianese
A hobo has peed on himself.
Hobo: What the fuck? Can’t a brotha go to the bathroom without all you bitches starin’ like it’s something new?
–Prospect Park
Did You Expect to Gain More Sympathy by Using “Summer” As a Verb?
Crying hipster girl: I lost $300 on that fucking team!
Hipster guy: Wait, why are you a Patriots fan? You’re from, like, California.
Crying hipster girl: Yeah, but I summer in Vermont!
–Pop Burger, 58th & 5th
I Might Have to Take Some Action If I Knew
Mother, after mayor Bloomberg goes by: Was that Rudy?
Daughter: Giuliani? You really don’t know what Rudy Giuliani looks like?
Mother: No.
Daughter: This is almost as bad as the time you said you don’t know what Darfur is.
Mother: I still don’t.
–Columbus Day Parade
People From Upstate Love This
Cali girl #1: Where do you go again?
Cornell girl: Cornell.
Cali girl #2: Oh. Where is that?
Cali girl #1: Oh my god, don’t you know it’s in New York?
Cali girl #2: Umm no, you idiot, we’re in New York and she said she just drove hours to get here.
Cali girl #1: Oh right..I think it’s in like.. the state that New York is in? New York state?
Cornell girl: Yeah. Ithaca.
Cali girl #1: Right right! Middle of nowhere, right? Shithaca!
Cornell girl: Umm.
–59th & 5th
Overheard by: love cali girls
If She Owns a Set Of Reusable Shopping Bags, I’ll Faint
Guy #1: Yo, there’s some fat asses up in this mufucker.
Guy #2: You right. You right.
Guy #1: I always figured the grocery store was the best place to bag a bitch. She’ll take of your family, she’ll take care of your finances, and she got a fat ass. That’s a triple threat, son.
–Super Stop and Shop, Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Wednesday One-Liners Bring Up the Rear
20-something girl on phone: So I said, stick it in my arse and then we’ll talk business!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Ken Adams
Drag queen: Give me a bathroom, a bar of soap, and some lube and I’m good to go. Hold my cheeze doodles.
–2nd Ave
Cross-dresser, stumbling down steps with man out of apartment building: That really hurt my ass!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: D
20-something hot girt to friend: We’re not even Facebook friends… She can’t just be talking to me about anal beads.
–PATH Train
Wednesday One-liners Are Just Semantics
Shopping girl: Look, those are pre-viewed! Wait, what does that mean?
–Tower Records, Union Square South
Woman on cell: I’m not a HOOKER! I’m a PROSTITUTE you piece of shit fuck!
–In front of Barnes & Noble, Union Square North
Overheard by: Jenna Carlson
Overheard in the Headlines
Man: My friend asked me if they were shooting a movie, and I said,
“Yeah, it’s called Bombscare.”
–Astor Place
And That’s How I Met Kevin Federline
Dad: Hey, you hear that? That’s someone on the giant piano. Let’s go up and see it.
Seven-year-old girl: Yes, someone clearly uneducated is on the piano.
–FAO Schwarz
Overheard by: CollegiateCutie
