Archive for 2019

A New York Moment

A woman has a chihuahua in her purse. An old man enters the train.

Old man: Cute dog. Do you take him everywhere?
Woman: Uh huh. We saw Spider-man yesterday.
Old man: You saw Spider-man yesterday?
Woman: Yeah.
Old man: How did you like it?
Woman: Oh, you know. It is what it is.
Old man: Not that great, huh? Ha, ha. Well, take care.

The man leaves the train. The woman looks down at her dog.

Woman: That was weird.

–V Train

Tell You What. You Can Do It Inside If You Seal Yourself in a Plastic Bag

Catholic school girl #1: This is totally a third person situation right now, but I really think that some people are discriminatory against smokers. I mean, we really shouldn’t have go outside to smoke. What, are you going to ask a girl with Tourette’s to go spaz outside?
Catholic school girl #2: Did you actually just compare smoking to Tourette Syndrome?

–Convent of the Sacred Heart

Overheard by: Overachiever catholic school girl

The Day Grandpa Lost His License

Woman, walking into DMV office with old dude: I'll take care of this; you go get some coffee.
Man, mumbling grumpily to himself: I don't drink coffee; I drink vodka!

–DMV Office, 34th & 8th Ave

If Anyone Has Insight, Let Him Calculate the Number

Two hobos are passing a bottle.

Woman: You can’t do that! This is a passenger train…The blood of Jesus Christ! You can’t do that; this is a passenger train! You need to find Jesus!…That is the devil’s drink. By the blood of Jesus you need to repent!
Hobo #1: Lady, I am the devil.
Woman: You can’t do that on a passenger train! If I see a police I will have you arrested!
Hobo #2: You wanna borrow my cell phone?

–F train