Archive for 2019

Where They Make Us Take a Refresher Course on Ethnic Stereotypes Biannually

Muscular mook with sweet tribal tattoo, driving Toyota Tundra, yelling on cell: Someone stole my fucking knapsack! It had my fucking Merrill’s. My Sperry’s. If I see someone wearing Sperry’s, I will fucking crush them.
Tajikistani cab driver: That is the bad kind of Italian. I should know, I live in Bay Ridge.

–53rd & 9th Ave

Hope That Guy in the Middle Doesn’t Puke

Conductor: You can get off and switch trains if this one is too crowded. There is an empty train right behind us.
Thug to friend: Why should I believe that guy? He just wants us to get off this damn train.
Conductor: But I guess none of you people gonna believe me.

–1 train

Overheard by: sgeness

Big, Chewy Mouthfuls of Food-like Goodness

NYU girl #1: I like PowerBars.
NYU girl #2: I like Cliff Bars.
NYU girl #3: But the thing with all those bars is you have to chew them so much.
NYU girl #1: That’s why I like them — I feel like I’m actually eating something.

–Waverly Pl

Overheard by: Mae

Wednesday One-liners, American Idols

Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s like, actually walking down the street!

–Magnolia Bakery

Overheard by: Jessica Blackshear

JAP: Do not mention that freaking African queen and her recycled husband!

–The Prime Grill, 49th Street

Twentysomething woman on cell: I’m gonna be late because I had to walk Drew Barrymore’s dog.

–in front of American Apparel, 7th Ave