Archive for 2019

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Ru­mored to Be In­volved with Jen­nifer Anis­ton

Woman: I’m a re­al Star Trek fan. I par­tic­u­lar­ly like this one guy, a Shake­speare­an ac­tor — Patrick, uh, Patrick Swayze?

–B train

Loud guy on bike: Will gone up and left! Will Smith! Where’d you go, Will?!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Abram

Suit on cell: I mean, it was maybe the on­ly time I ever want­ed to give Mark Wahlberg a blowjob.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Rainey

Blonde on cell, walk­ing dog, and wear­ing faux fur sweater: Yeah, An­i­mal Fair… Like Van­i­ty Fair, but with an­i­mals… It’s com­ing out soon… It’s go­ing to be in­ti­mate — Sharon Stone and Eme­lio Es­tevez are go­ing to be there!

–55th St & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: francesca

Passer­by: Mar­tin Short? Is he still in that?

–Across street from Mar­tin Short&: Fame Be­comes Me

Over­heard by: Jeff of [tos]

Chick drops cock­tail glass, break­ing it.

Queer: If you did­n’t look like Winona Ry­der, I’d smack you.

–Cei­lo night­club

Itch­ing, Burn­ing, Flak­ing Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl to friend: I told him you had fuck­ing mad STDs be­cause he said he want­ed to fuck you. (pause) You’re wel­come!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Suit ex­it­ing cab: Yo, make sure you don’t give him your num­ber. He’s got crabs.

–30th Ave & 30th St, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: OhKel­lyO

Blonde 20-some­thing on phone: Ei­ther the uni­verse just proved there is no god, or he is a moth­er­fuck­ing cunt! (paus­es, then in low tone) Be­cause… I think I have her­pes.

–Bat­tery Park

Over­heard by: close enough to hear the her­pes part

Thug to thugette: I did­n’t have warts on my body till I met you.

–Metro North

Over­heard by: ba­con­ista

Guy on cell, lean­ing ca­su­al­ly against fire hy­drant: Hey, so, I just got my test re­sults back, and… uh… so I got her­pes. So… maybe you should get your­self test­ed. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jes­si­ca, lis­ten, I… fuck. Sor­ry, Jen­nifer. No, I–no, I’m sor­ry, I’ve just been mak­ing this call a lot to­day. (pause) Hel­lo?

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Kytt