Archive for 2019

A Few Sucky Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I’m 24 fuck­ing years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that’s my busi­ness!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, “ac­c­ck­kk… ac­c­ck­kkk” (makes chok­ing sounds) Then you have a mouth ful­la cum!

–Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: I.R.

50-some­thing woman, scream­ing in­to cell: Lis­ten, ass­hole, I’m not some cheap slut you can call when­ev­er you need some­one to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Sta­tion Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You bet­ter suck that juicy white cock, and get me that per­fume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

Wednes­day One-lin­ers

A chick push­ing an old woman in a wheel­chair says: Just let me know when you get tired of walk­ing.

–59th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Christo­pher

Queer: I can’t be­lieve she said I was a liar. Sure I make ran­dom stuff up, but I’m not a liar.

–West 4th & broad­way

Over­heard by: Mr­Robin­son

Hobo: All right fine, you win, I guess I do wish they were shit­ty pi­lots.

–6th Av­enue & 9th Street

..Yeah, Thanks. *Sigh*

Guy: Hey, I’m a fash­ion icon!
Chick: Ha­ha, okay, well I’ll give you this: You’re as much a “fash­ion icon” as any of the “fash­ion icons” on Project Run­way.
Guy, proud­ly: Aww, thanks! (pause) Hey, wait a minute…

–137th & Broad­way

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Vanes­sa Hud­gens

Girl on phone: Well then, rid­dle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sack­ett, Cob­ble Hill

Over­heard by: Swim­fan

Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!

–El­e­va­tor, Times Square Arts Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Mu­se­um work­er: And then I woke up buck naked in a ho­tel, and there were pic­tures of me all over the room.

–Mu­se­um of Art and De­sign

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just be­cause I’m wear­ing noth­ing un­der my jack­et, does­n’t mean I’m go­ing to flash a crowd of peo­ple in every store we en­ter. I’ve done it three times al­ready. Get your rocks off some oth­er way.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle Mall Es­ca­la­tor

Over­heard by: Mar­tin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kim­mel Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I did­n’t rec­og­nize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Don’t even wan­na know

Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wear­ing rollerblades.

–N 4th & Bed­ford Ave