Archive for 2019

Mozil­la!

Mom: Okay, we’re gonna play the rhyming game, okay? I’ll say a word and you tell me one that rhymes, okay? I’ll go first. Cat!
Kid: Pat.
Mom: Okay, your turn. Give me a word to rhyme.
Kid: Go­ril­la.

–Broad­way & 101st St

Just An­oth­er Five Min­utes, Mom

Woman tap­ping bum who pass­es out lean­ing against new­ly-ar­rived train: Ex­cuse me, sir… Sir! You’re lean­ing against the train and it’s about to leave!
Bum: Oh! Huh? Thank you.
Woman: Ex­cuse me, sir? You’re still on the train… Get off of that train, you fuck­ing bum!
Bum: Yes ma’am!

–Down­town 6 plat­form, Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: off white

Ever Since I Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Tripped Over Them

Tall girl: I think I saw his broth­er in the cho­rus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There’s four of them. And they’re all beau­ti­ful. It’s so not fair. I’m weird-look­ing and, ac­cord­ing to my grand­ma, my broth­er looks like the love child of Jake Gyl­len­haal and San­jay Gup­ta.
Tall girl: And your par­ents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can’t be­lieve you re­mem­ber that.

–Down­town 1 Train

Some Pret­ty Sharp Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Boyfriend, af­ter kiss­ing ob­vi­ous­ly sick girl­friend: Ugh! That was like a germ sy­ringe made out of lips.

–116th & Broad­way

NYU stu­dent: I love rolling over and hav­ing used hero­in nee­dles stab­bing me in my tra­chea.

–NYU

Over­heard by: An­gela

Guy on cell: Se­ri­ous­ly, you should come to the park, it’s a beau­ti­ful day to­day. Take your dog out, go for a stroll, and find some hy­po­der­mic nee­dles on the ground.

–Coro­na Park, Flush­ing Mead­ows

Skin­ny blonde: Is this sug­ar-free?

–Flu Shot Line, NYU Kim­mel Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Jamie