Archive for 2019

Life Is Like a Box of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers…

Man on cell: What did I do to you? I bought you a house and you don’t even wan­na live in it!

–F Train

Over­heard by: LC

Con­duc­tor, over in­ter­com: Ladies and gen­tle­men, this train is over­booked. That’s just the way things are. Life is un­fair.

–Am­trak Train, Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: La­dle

Suit: There was a time in my life when I would have nev­er tired of hear­ing the word “vagi­na”. That time has passed.

–Stat­en Is­land Supreme Court

Con­duc­tor: Watch your step as you ex­it the train, and if you’re late, just re­mem­ber that life is a lot like be­ing on this train: we may not be there yet, but we’re get­ting there.

–2 Train

Over­heard by: can this con­duc­tor dri­ve my train every day please?

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: The Cen­ter of the Uni­verse

Drunk man: You know, garbage trucks are the di­a­monds of New York. Just… no­body knows they are in the rough.

–Bar, 1st & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Csmith

Drunk, bare­foot girl: The streets of New York aren’t that dirty… Right…?

–68th & 2nd

Mom to lit­tle kid in mid­dle of side­walk: Hon­ey, please stand aside. These peo­ple are in a hur­ry — they’re New York­ers.

–68th & Broad­way

An­gry woman on cell: New York is just as re­lax­ing as Italy!

–81st & 3rd

Wannabe hip­ster chick: New York is so over­whelm­ing. Let’s just live off our par­ents’ mon­ey for­ev­er!

–Sweet Par­adise, Canal & Or­chard

Over­heard by: zp

Even Nice Gay Guys Fin­ish Last?

Cute 20-some­thing girl: So now he’s cook­ing me din­ner on Mon­day night.
Gay guy: I thought you weren’t dat­ing in 2011…
Cute 20-some­thing girl: I’m not, I’m just get­ting free din­ner.
Gay guy: Are you go­ing to make out with him?
Cute 20-some­thing girl: Maybe, but just to say “thank you…” It’s not like I like him.
Gay guy: And what about Chris*?
Cute 20-some­thing girl: I just want to sleep with him.
Gay guy: Why do you have so many men and I don’t have any?
Cute 20-some­thing girl: Oh, yeah, I for­got to tell you about Grant*! He’s su­per cute and is cook­ing din­ner for me on Fri­day!
Gay guy: You bitch!
Cute 20-some­thing girl: I’m a heart­break­er, not a bitch.
Gay guy, sad­ly: Yeah, I know, be­cause you re­al­ly are one of the nicest peo­ple I know.

–Up­town 2 Train

…Do I Need to Show You the Flow-chart Again?

Man: It’s nice to be white and in mon­ey.
Woman: I don’t have any mon­ey. In fact I’m look­ing for a rich boyfriend, let me know if you know of any.
Man: Like your ex-hus­band?
Woman: No, I’m done with bald white guys.
Oth­er woman: Wait… Are you done with bald guys, or white guys?
Woman: No, I’ll do a bald black guy, or a white guy with hair.

–Broad­way Dive, 101st & Broad­way