Archive for 2019

Life Is Like a Box of Wednesday One-Liners…

Man on cell: What did I do to you? I bought you a house and you don’t even wanna live in it!

–F Train

Overheard by: LC

Conductor, over intercom: Ladies and gentlemen, this train is overbooked. That’s just the way things are. Life is unfair.

–Amtrak Train, Penn Station

Overheard by: Ladle

Suit: There was a time in my life when I would have never tired of hearing the word “vagina”. That time has passed.

–Staten Island Supreme Court

Conductor: Watch your step as you exit the train, and if you’re late, just remember that life is a lot like being on this train: we may not be there yet, but we’re getting there.

–2 Train

Overheard by: can this conductor drive my train every day please?

Wednesday One-Liners: The Center of the Universe

Drunk man: You know, garbage trucks are the diamonds of New York. Just… nobody knows they are in the rough.

–Bar, 1st & Houston

Overheard by: Csmith

Drunk, barefoot girl: The streets of New York aren’t that dirty… Right…?

–68th & 2nd

Mom to little kid in middle of sidewalk: Honey, please stand aside. These people are in a hurry — they’re New Yorkers.

–68th & Broadway

Angry woman on cell: New York is just as relaxing as Italy!

–81st & 3rd

Wannabe hipster chick: New York is so overwhelming. Let’s just live off our parents’ money forever!

–Sweet Paradise, Canal & Orchard

Overheard by: zp

Even Nice Gay Guys Finish Last?

Cute 20-something girl: So now he’s cooking me dinner on Monday night.
Gay guy: I thought you weren’t dating in 2011…
Cute 20-something girl: I’m not, I’m just getting free dinner.
Gay guy: Are you going to make out with him?
Cute 20-something girl: Maybe, but just to say “thank you…” It’s not like I like him.
Gay guy: And what about Chris*?
Cute 20-something girl: I just want to sleep with him.
Gay guy: Why do you have so many men and I don’t have any?
Cute 20-something girl: Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you about Grant*! He’s super cute and is cooking dinner for me on Friday!
Gay guy: You bitch!
Cute 20-something girl: I’m a heartbreaker, not a bitch.
Gay guy, sadly: Yeah, I know, because you really are one of the nicest people I know.

–Uptown 2 Train

…Do I Need to Show You the Flow-chart Again?

Man: It’s nice to be white and in money.
Woman: I don’t have any money. In fact I’m looking for a rich boyfriend, let me know if you know of any.
Man: Like your ex-husband?
Woman: No, I’m done with bald white guys.
Other woman: Wait… Are you done with bald guys, or white guys?
Woman: No, I’ll do a bald black guy, or a white guy with hair.

–Broadway Dive, 101st & Broadway