Hobo: I need money for food.
Guy: Me too, mind if I borrow some from your cup?
–86th & Lexington
Archive for 2019
It’s Like Iraq: the Curds Get in the Whey
Girl: … And then she put it in front of me, and I was like, ‘Hello! I hate cottage cheese!’
Queer friend: Oh my god. Cottage cheese is albino diarrhea!
–90th & Broadway
Either Way, We're Talking About Small Leather Goods, Right?
Elderly lady #1, window shopping: What did you do with all your Gucci stuff?
Elderly lady #2: Coochie stuff? Why would I have coochie stuff?
Elderly lady #1: No, Gloria, I said “Gucci!”
–60th St b/w Madison & Park Ave
Overheard by: Emily
“Yeah, I like to eat out every once in a while.”
Coffee guy: Good morning, sir.
Sir: Medium coffee.
Coffee guy: Milk and sugar, sir?
Sir: Yes, please.
Coffee guy: …you go down, sir?
Sir: Excuse me?
Coffee guy: You go down? Down the town?
–Roach coach, Franklin & Church
Overheard by: Bailey Wier
Poli-Sci 101: Clintonian Etiquette
Columbia girl #1: So wait, he cheated on his mistress??
Columbia girl #2: Nooooo, he cheated on his wife with his mistress.
Columbia girl #1: Oh, I was confused.
–116th & Amsterdam
Headline by: nj2nc
Runners-Up:
· “And by ‘Confused’ I Mean Impressed” – colleen
· “Apparently, So Was the Admissions Staff” – goes to a better NY school
· “He Did Cheat on Both with a Hooker in Vegas, But That Stayed There.” – Deborah
· “It’s OK, Extra-Marital Affairs Is a 300-Level Course.” – Tyson Jurgens
· “It’s a Mobius Strip of Poon.” – prefekt
· “Just as Long as There Weren’t No Damn Queers Getting Hitched. That Would Ruin the Holy Union That Is Marriage.” – Colin McCleod
· “Most Likely to Transfer to a SUNY” – lascouine
· “Professor Giuliani Should Remove His Bio from the Syllabus” – Dave Ellis
· “Shouldn’t be. It’s How You Got into Columbia.” – abby
· “So How Did the Monkey Fit into All of This Again?” – Fleetline
· “You Better Start Learning the Difference If You’re Going to Get That MRS Degree” – SlickRicks
· “You Can’t Cheat on the People You Are Cheating on Your Wife With…It’s in the Bible.” – Sean
· “You’d Think the Concept of Cheating Would Be More Familiar at Columbia” – bri b
Oh, Now I Remember
Girl #1: Yeah, I know what you mean about whoreish action. One of my friends gave this guy head in a stairwell, like, five minutes after she met him!
Girl #2: THAT WAS ME.
–Laguardia HS
Overheard by: Amanda Clarence Fox
Mrs. Newton Discovers the Gravity of the Situation
Guy, about article on divorced lesbians: They are coming out all over.
Lady: It’s gotten so you are afraid to sit under a tree.
–Elevator, 1250 Broadway
Jesus: You Take Three Days Off, and Nobody Lets You Forget It
Small girl: Good people don't give up.
Small boy: Jesus did.
–A Train
Overheard by: sodidbush
…Mr. “I Wear Crocs”
Guy #1: Are people getting dumber or is it just me?
Guy #2: Both.
–6 Train
But It’s a Slippery Slope to Eugenics
Teen girl #1: Whoa, are those apples really all in perfect rows?
Teen girl #2: Whole Foods has really out-yuppied itself this time.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle