Archive for 2019

First-Come, First-Served Is a Pre­text for Dis­crim­i­na­tion!

[A woman cre­ates her own line and walks up to the counter.]Postal em­ploy­ee: Ma’am, you have to wait in line.
Lati­no woman: I was in the es­s­press line.
Postal em­ploy­ee: We don’t serve espres­so here ma’am, this is the post of­fice.
Lati­no woman: What? You think I’m stoopid? I have less than ten items.
Postal em­ploy­ee: There is no ex­press line at the post of­fice, please wait in line like the oth­er peo­ple.
Lati­no woman: Oh… I see how it is.
Postal em­ploy­ee: Hap­py hol­i­days, ma’am.
Lati­no woman: Fuck you too.

–Post Of­fice, 14th Street & Av­enue A

Over­heard by: tex­mor­gan

Mom’s Dry­ing Up, Any­way

Dude #1: I like that one.
Dude #2: Nah, she has a bad at­ti­tude.
Dude #1: What the fuck does at­ti­tude have to do with any­thing? She’s fuck­ing hot!
Dude #2: True, but I want a strip­per that makes me feel im­por­tant, even though I know I’m not.
Dude #1: So you want a strip­per that makes you feel im­por­tant?
Dude #2: Man, I’ll set­tle for any woman that makes me feel im­por­tant.
Dude #1: Then go fuck your moth­er.
Dude #2: True — fuck it, I’ll take the hot­tie with the shit­ty at­ti­tude. Pret­ty much de­scribes all my girl­friends, any­way.

–Pac­ers Toast­mas­ters Club

Over­heard by: sean b

It Would Prob­a­bly Start to Grate

Girl #1: My hus­band had such a hair across his ass last night. He was get­ting on my last nerve.
Girl #2: “Hair across his ass”? What do you mean?
Girl #1: You’ve nev­er heard that phrase be­fore? “Hair across his ass”?
Girl #2: No, I haven’t. I don’t get it.
Girl #1: Well Jen, tell me, would you be hap­py if you had a hair go­ing across your ass?

–Gray’s Pa­paya, 8th Av­enue

The Ad Cap­tain Mor­gan Does­n’t Want You to See

Hobo, slur­ring slight­ly: Ladies and gen­tle­men. Sor­ry to both­er you but I’m home­less and hun­gry. Please, if you can help me with some mon­ey for food. God bless you and your fam­i­lies.
Woman: You want a sip of rum?
Home­less man: Huh?
Woman: A sip of rum. That’s all I’ve got. (un­screws the cap of the bot­tle in a brown bag)
Hobo, tak­ing sip and smack­ing lips: Aaaaah­h­h­hh…

–D Train